what does it mean a "controlling girl"???

[Elsewhere]

Can I get some examples of controlling behavior? It looks straight forward but I heard "control freak" in relation to persons who I really don't think are into control at all - so I'm wondering what exacly does it mean???

 

So men: what bothers you and what do you consider controlling?

[mandyc]

controlling would be making him call you and check in. Not letting him go out with friends without you there. Basically cutting down on his sense of freedom and not letting him have his own personal life and space. At least that is what I think of when I think of a controlling girlfriend, though those would be extreme examples I guess.

[Elsewhere]

oh yea, but that's like slavery and psychosis lol

 

I'm talking more like: is it controlling to be unsatisfied he decides to spend time with his (female) friends rather than with you - when you really don't have much time for each other anyways - just an example from my relationship

[mandyc]

oh yea, but that's like slavery and psychosis lol

 

I'm talking more like: is it controlling to be unsatisfied he decides to spend time with his (female) friends rather than with you - when you really don't have much time for each other anyways - just an example from my relationship

 

No I think in that situation he is probablly calling you controlling and trying to switch the blame/ guilt back on you by making you think you've done something wrong instead of the other way around.

 

Of course it is okay for him to have other friends and to go out, in fact I think couples need that! But I understand being upset if you two don't get to see each other much and he chooses friends over you on the one night you would get to spend together. In that case it seems more like he is trying to manipulate the situation by making you feel bad.

[turnera]

That depends on how you are handling it. Are you complaining? Demanding to know where he goes, who's there, when he'll be home? Or are you saying "How about we go bowling tonight? What? You're going to Jenny's house? Well, then, I'll go with you; we can play Monopoly."

[Elsewhere]

exacly, I thought so too!

 

now is it controlling to say ask him to wake up before 1pm so that you can have some time together before rushing to work for 4pm?

 

or ask him not to do drugs - controlling or not???

[DrKitten]

exacly, I thought so too!

 

now is it controlling to say ask him to wake up before 1pm so that you can have some time together before rushing to work for 4pm?

It depends. Does he work a lot of hours? He may need the sleep.

 

or ask him not to do drugs - controlling or not??

What kind of drugs are we talking here? I simply would not be with someone who did anything harmful/illegal, especially if they seem to be addicted.

[mandyc]

exacly, I thought so too!

 

now is it controlling to say ask him to wake up before 1pm so that you can have some time together before rushing to work for 4pm?

 

 

or ask him not to do drugs - controlling or not???

 

as long as you are making time compromises too. The two of you have to work together to make time to see each other. Both of you need to look at your schedules and make fair and doable adjustments.

 

as for the drugs I think that is something you need to decide if you are okay with or not. Trying to make him quite might make him feel like you are being his mom or trying to change his lifestyle. You need to decide whether or not you are okay being with someone who does this, because most likely no matter what you do he isn't just going to stop.

[Elsewhere]

We work the same hours, we do need a lot of sleep but I feel like he's just surrendering to his laziness more than I am, I'm trying to fight it lol

 

I can tolerate a joint every now and then but he smokes more often than that. I still don't believe he's addicted but I don't want him to be on his way...

[turnera]

What is the number one trait of someone who regularly smokes pot?

 

Lack of motivation.

 

The old joke about the 40 year old pot addict living in Mom's basement because he just can't get motivated to change his life. That is what pot does.

 

Do you want to be with a guy like that when you're 40 or 50? Who has never amounted to anything, never saved money, never taken you on trips with that saved money or higher salary from graduating college, never fixed the falling-down house cos it's too much work, never helped with the kids...and just slept all day, played games all day, watched tv all day...instead of fighting his laziness?

 

*shakes head*