Why even bother to hope...

[GarnetRed]

I don't know exactly why but I'm having an utterly rotten day. For the past fours years my life has been going downhill no matter what I do, no matter how much I change my life, push my boundaries, try new things... nothing changes.

 

So why do I even bother to hope anymore?

 

Today I can't stop thinking about my ex-relationship (over now for four years, the end of which triggered this downslide), how almost all my friends are married and buying houses and having babies, my grandfather's recent death, and how I'm just sitting here crying...

 

I can't remember the last time I felt really happy, or at ease. All I want is to feel some happiness again.

 

I really have tried to change things, make them better, but it's like this curse hangs on me.

 

Are some people just meant to be sad all the time? Why hope when nothing ever changes?

[Anotherday]

I am sorry you are so sad. At times it sure looks like life doesn't go our way. The one thing we can count on is change though if we just hang in there and do our best.

[GarnetRed]

I just keep thinking "how much longer can I deal?"

 

And "how much longer can things keep going on without turning around?" It's been four years already...

 

I just want to feel some happiness again.

[big greg]

I feel the same way, your post really strikes a chord with me. All of my friends are married and focus most of their effort into their significant other and leave none left over for being friends. Does it kind of feel like the whole world is moving on and leaving you standing in the dust?

 

Just the other day I was trying to think of the last time I laughed so hard that I cried and it has been so long that I couldn't come up with anything. I can't even remember what it feels like, honestly. I used to have alot of laughs like that when i was just a little bit younger. I can't remember even remotely thinking anything sad about anything during that time.

 

I totally understand about giving up on any hope. They say change comes from within, but I've lived in 3 different states, changed career paths a few times, even took a spontaneous trip to mexico while in the middle of a hurricane evacuation, and tried many new things only to still feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Not a bad rut, but a sad yet complacent rut.