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Greatest challenge of my life(so far).


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I want to let go of the pain, anger, hurt and sadness. My days are so much heavier because of the weight I carry around with me. Its consuming me endlessly. As dramatic as this sounds, it's my reality through and through. The fact that a breakup/ a girl has the ability to rock my foundation this deeply has been very hard for me to process. I've been to therapy and done all the things I should do in order to move on, this isn't my first love or the first time my heart has been broken, this is however, the first time i've truly loved someone. I know some of you may be familiar with my story thus far so I will spare you my mess. The reason I can't let go, or at least move on, is because of the venom she spewed at me in the end, her words still haunt me after 4 months. I already know what kind of responses this post will get, I just needed to vent at the moment.

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Ok, so this is a little embarassing & I admit, totally immature... But! Many years ago when I was much younger my brother's fiance left him for someone else. It became clear that for at least 6 months she'd been cheating & she had strung my brother along because she needed him to loan her money and enjoyed the expensive gifts he gave her. When he finally caught her (in the bedroom with the guy in his own house no less), she was cold, insulting & just plain nasty. She also indicated she had no intention of ever re-paying the thousands she'd borrowed from him and my parents. She wouldn't even return the ring.

 

So I waited a bit and finally one night I & a friend went to her place with several pounds of doggie doodie and raw fish. The doodie was applied to the windows & pearly white hood of the car & the raw fish (she'd forgotten she'd given little sis a key) was hidden in nooks around the interior. Then I signed my work in a not so subtle shade of pink lip stick.

 

I heard from mutual friends that Miss Priss cried for weeks over the disgusting state of her precious new car!

 

Now, I'm not saying that you should ever do something like this... I certainly never would again. But it surprises me how, as I've gone through break ups since- just plotting or fantasing about doing terrible (but legal) things like this to my ex's will make me laugh & forget for a little while. Even if I never act on it!

 

So I guess what I'm saying is with every break up comes a lot of pain... but also a little anger. Sometimes it can help to focus for a while on feeling that anger. It helps you take some of the power back! And then after a while, you find you're not even angry anymore.

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