Feel A Shift

[bungalo]

After going through the fires of hell (off and on) for 4 months (Dekard's posts really struck a chord with me) I feel like I am slowly climbing out of

the muck and mire of heartache. I know these shifts are sometimes short-lived, but I notice a slight improvement.

 

The realization that I don't think I COULD EVER EVER EVER EVER TRUST THIS WOMAN AGAIN is what is helping me today. When I recount the number of breakups she has put me through (2). ..AND the mini one day breakups during our 5 years together...three or so...It's just absurd that

I would hitch my star to her wagon.

 

It makes me wonder if I'm not hooked on the drama....sheeeshhh..who needs it...Bung

[Psinic]

Glad to hear you are starting to feel a little better Bung.. Hopefully this will happen for me soon. One month since the breakup here and feeling every moment of it..

[bungalo]

I hope your healing continues Psinic. Don't get me wrong..I still have a ways to go...The rel/ship/ still floods my mind...Sometimes I feel like

really lashing out at her in anger. I suspect this will subside too.

[jimmajam]

Atta'boy. Use whatever realization you can to just feel normal even if it is short lived. I think it's good you realize it may be temporary because I've been there and back many times. Each time it happens though, the more you realize and it grows and grows to a point where you can at least live normally again. I'm a hopeless romantic so I have to add that this doesn't mean it's over. It's just about you getting back to normal again without her. If she comes back deal with that when it comes. If she doesn't... you're on your way.

[bungalo]

Thanks JimmiJam...It's counter-intuitive..but I really feel like the more I

get angry and brutally frank about HER DEFICIENCIES AS A PARTNER...THE BETTER I FEEL. Oddly, I also feel that she would

be more attracted to me in this angry mode than trying to please her/mirror/validate..etc...As valuable as these communications strategies

are...there's a time and a place where they're effective and appropriate.

[RichardCollier]

Oddly, I also feel that she would

be more attracted to me in this angry mode than trying to please her/mirror/validate..etc...

 

Well Bung, you can't assume that she'll be more attracted to you when you're angry at her. Unless you've seen this behavior over your time together, it's hard to imagine this will be the case.

 

Furthermore, why do you still want to be with her? I mean when you touch naked flames once you'll back off and not touch them again...but it seems that you want her back? To be honest, I think that my ex is a commitment phobe as well and she wants to be divorced like her mother in the future (she envies her mother's freedom after divorce if I'm brutally honest with myself I would NOT go back to her...why waste so much time and energy only to go back to a person who is not interested in the long run? Also, you've mentioned that you became clingy again after the reconciliation...that means that the reconciliation was premature, no?

[bungalo]

You make some salient points RC. Unfortunately as someone once said, "The heart

wants what it wants" even when it may not be good for us. After enough time my

head will probably trump my heart. Love is not rational. I realize I don't have to

act on the desire...but that doesn't make it any easier.

 

What a bizarre mindset...actually wanting to be divorced in the future? This seems

hard to believe. Every girl I've ever known has idealized marriage in their younger years.

Are you sure about this?