Do I talk to much?

[AnotherChick]

I've always considered myself a comunicator. However I just feel like I talk to much, leaving myself open for people's insults or opinions. Especially at work. I continually just feel like I should close myself off and be task oriented. I mean, who really goes to work to make friends. It's nice, but not the point. On the otherhand, that just seems so cold and dull. But possibly the only option since I feel my competence is increasingly questioned by people who are working with me for the first time. People who have worked with me for quite awhile see me as a star performer. However, I can't seem to win these "doubters" over and as petty and stupid as it sounds, it just seems like they can attack me because I'm too nice and open. Like an easy target.

 

I'm not a paranoid person, but I just feel like I need to acknowledge this and do something. I'm not sure what "something" it is that I should do.

 

Can anyone identify with what I'm saying and/or give advice?

[Meow18]

I think you should just be yourself. If people can't accept that, or insult you for it, they are not cool people. If they don't like a friendly person, thats just weird. If you like to talk, then talk. We can't please everyone, so just be yourself & those who can accept that will. If you can make friends at work, thats awesome. Some people take work too seriously & dont' have fun. Its always nice to have a friendly person at work.

[vitalcoaching]

Hi,

 

When you are very open and friendly, new people you meet can show distrust because of you being so direct.

 

The work place can be a very competitive and environment. Competition is competition for power, attention, space, etc.

 

When you are very friendly and open you simply tend to drop your boundaries and make yourself more vulnerable. This is why you might feel new colleagues attacking you on that. They see an opening. They take it.

 

What to do? You can shift you attitude with new people and give them space and time to get used to you.

 

I would say that in the work place, professionalism is always the quality which comes first. Being friendly is nice but comes after that.

 

When you connect with new colleagues, show them first your professionalism and then your friendliness.

 

I would put the priorities in this order. This gives you extra power and trust.

 

Here is an example: suppose you need an info about a product and reach a call center. The person on the line is competent and very friendly but not truly focused and fails to give you the answers you need. You'll get irritaded because your goal is not to have a friendly chat. It is to get an answer. In fact as a client, the being friendly can distract you from your target. Professionalism comes first. Friendliness is an extra.

 

I think if you keep this priority in mind, you'll feel "doubters" drop it and be convinced.

 

Stay yourself of course. Don't "betray" who you are. Follow you instinct always.

 

Simply measure how much "friendliness" a new colleague can take. Some people prefer keeping it 100% professional while others will be more open for deeper friendship. Respect anyone's space and boundaries.

 

Does this make sense?

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach