birthday - 1 year later - I still miss him!

[exback]

1 year ago my first boyfriend of 4 YEARS (I was his first girlfriend too, I am 23, he is 26) broke up with me after a big stupid fight. He did hurtful things, I said hurtful thinks and then he broke up with me and stopped talking to me (NO cheating or something like that) - he was angry and hurt and I was angry and hurt. I tried to talk to him 4 WEEKS long - he ignored every attempt. I send a text message 3 months later - he didn't answer to that message, too. Sooooo...the last couple of months - 8 or 9 months I didn't contact him again. He didn't contact me for my birthday nor christmas or new years.

I should mention that I still miss him (love him) and that if there would be a chance to be with him again I would take that chance but I don't want to "chase" him away by calling over and over again because it may be possible that he is so fed up with us fighting and already "moved on".

Should I contact him for birthday (maybe send a birthday card!?). Some people told me there would be a better chance for him to talk to me if I DON'T contact him for birthday! I don't know about that - I didn't contact him at all the last months and he didn't contact me either. Wouldn't it be some kind of "sign" from me if I wish him at least Happy Birthday.

 

Please help!

 

Thanks](*,)

[medtec]

this story makes me sad too! the fact that he didn't pick up the phone or not even send one message back is sending a big sign. Me and my fiance are broken up(due to extreme fighting and many other reasons), but he still emails back. we are just friends. i would like to give it another shot with him but i'm not desperate for it and i'm keeping every option open including that we might never go on another date again! that helps you to move on with your life too! you should be important to you first!

 

anyway all i can say is that you should stop for a while. if many months have gone by without any contact and you are willing to still not get a reply from him then give it another shot. i think it is worth it...one last time though. but after that you need to stop. maybe you can take it as a sign that you can move on now too! do you know anything else about his life? does he have a new gf? have you tried dating again? i know 4 years is a long time and that's what makes it sad that he can be cruel and not even reply to your messages.

[shessofly]

if i personally were in this situation and had made all the attempts that you have made with no response AND it's a year later and i still have not heard from my ex, i would leave it be.

 

on the other hand, if lack of a response from him doesn't bother you i suppose one more try wouldn't hurt too much. but i think that after I would have to accept the fact that the relationship is over. that is the only way to heal.

 

sorry you are going through this. it sucks, i know.

[exback]

I know that he had a lot of trouble the last year (at university, with his parents, money) and my friends told me that he became very thick - "FAT" they told me in exact words (during our relationship he did sport and was fit and slim and tall and it was very important to him to be like that so). Maybe him gaining weight was due to his other problems - I don't know the cause... I don't know whether or not he has a new girlfriend - our friends didn't tell me that he has (maybe because they don't know, too).

 

The way it is right now makes me sad, too... Even if contact wouldn't change the fact that we are separated I would still like to have him back in my life - at least as friend - even if it would be painful because he IS important to me.

[FrenchFries]

I am not sure where you are trying to go with the first paragraph?

 

At any rate, it sounds as if you need to accept the demise of this relationship. If it has been a year and he is not returning communication with you, it would be in your best interest to move forward with your life. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time pining for my ex. It'll get better once you accept it. I know it hurts and I am not at all trying to be harsh, but trying to analyze why he gained weight and trying to keep track of what he's up to isn't going to help you out any.

[exback]

I guess if he wanted to contact me he would have done so...at least once during the last year, right!? I did even so he ignored me so it would have been easy for him to contact me since he knew I am interested in keeping in touch with him...

 

I wish I could accept it but I can't believe or at least I WON't believe that he didn't love me as much as I love him because it hurts so much....

[medtec]

not too sound mean- but the part about"I WON'T believe IT" sounds self sabotaging. you must believe it because you are only hurting yourself. you can still be open to him coming back into your life but you can't fool yourself into thinking that he is madly in love with you...he might be but it is a slim chance. sorry but i just wanted to be honest.