Diagonal's rocky road to reconciliation: An update

[Diagonal]

Not so much of an update really, as not that much has gone on really but it's about time for update...

 

So we had this whole potential ping issue about the bookcase. Anyway she dropped by last Tuesday and it was really nice actually - no pressure, no relationship talk and we just hung out as well for a few hours in the process of it all.

 

So she asked me about my counselling to address the problems that caused the split. She was very supportive about it putting her arm round me, stroking me and even kissed my shoulder at one point. I didn't get emotional at all, but I guess she was just being supportive.

 

Then she said "I'm here for you if you ever want to talk". It doesn't sound like a big deal but it's the first time she's said that since the split.

 

Anyway, then I was just dismantling the bookcase (it took a while actually) and she burst into tears randomally.

 

She said she's "Been really missing me and never wants to lose me from her life" - again a big thing considering when she left she said "She can easily imagine a life without me".

 

She added: "she didn't want to lose me, if we didn't get back together" - the reason she said that was because on the night she left, I told her it was "all or nothing with me".

 

It was a reavealing meet up for sure. Like I had to help her out of the car once we put the book case in, I had to literally carry her out at her request. Little things like that in terms of her letting me help her are definitely a change in her post-break-up 'I want my space and independance' stance.

 

After that we parted ways and I hung back a little and she iniated a hug (for the first time) and that was that really.

 

---

 

Well afterwards, I felt great.

 

I thought well she's seen and even acknowledged that I've "Changed and am changing from the person I became" and even opened up and asked for my advice/reassurance on an ongoing personal/health problem she has - which again was a big step forward.

 

But now I feel terrible. It's been NC since and I don't know what I should do. I neglected her so much during our relationship and she's been really receptive to any kind of contact from me such as odd business or work texts I've had to send when they've called my house asking for her to call them etc.

 

Do I stick with NC or move back to LC?

 

I'd like people's opinions please. Things seem more favourable but you just never know do you...

[Diagonal]

If people want to know a little more about me, check out my signature. Thanks

[minou]

Wait a few weeks. Let her keep missing you and have the changes and nice recent interaction sink in.

[Lastchallenge]

My x gf does the same thing she always cries afterwards but she doesn't say anything... I still can't figure out why or what it means...

The other thing that confuses me is why this girl sees you and has a good timebut when she leaves you go nc...? Does she not contact u? Who's doing the reaching out?

Seems your making progress but what do those little things mean?

[LoveSoDeep]

I would say that b/c she felt you had neglected her towards the end of your relationship that you should keep with the LC. If she's felt neglected in the past you don't want that feeling to return but she did ask for some space so the only way to give her both is to pull back but just not leave her life completely. I would suggest thought that you let her initaite most of the time I would say keep it at maybe 80-85% her initiating and maybe 15-20% you initiating by just saying hi and letting her know you still think of her as a friend. If she contacts you keep it lite and respond in a friendly way but only contact her if you haven't heard from her in a while and make sure it's nothing emotionally charged...just friendly.

 

I know it seems like this has been going on forever but really it's only be a couple weeks so (with her asking for space etc.) far right? Trust me you are doing great it just takes time.

[Diagonal]

Both LoveSoDeep and a PM I had have told me to go back to LC, so that's what I'm going to do I think. I guess it's worth a go, like they both said - even just once a week or something.

 

Thanks to everyone who has posted. Any other opinions, as I'm still a bit torn between staying NC so she misses me more

 

Tricky business this ol'love game.

[TearsofFate]

Yeah, if she felt neglected during the relationship I bet she would take NC as more neglect. Think about it, she cried because she misses you. If you go NC now it will look like you neglected her even though she told you things you want to hear.

 

Let her open up to you. Only time will tell. Keep your cool but don't blow her off. I read time and time again that NC is a bad idea for dumpers that left you because of neglect.

 

Keep being that changed guy she likes so much. LC should be fine but still make an effort every now and then to show her you care. Initiate sometimes don't let her do all the work.

[jmr19114425]

Been following your posts and Your story has less issues than my relationship and I was the dumper, but it gives me hope that time and space works...Thanks.

[Tuhto]

I think NC isn't the right way to go here, I'd even say don't think too deeply on "NC" and "LC" etc. I think that getting too hooked on those terms and stuff isn't going to help on the long run. I think you should keep up the contact, don't be the one that initiates all but do still initiate some contact. You should start to change yourself to be a source of safety to your ex and learn to mirror, validate and prevalidate her.

 

If you haven't read anything from Al Turtle I suggest you get reading right away. Devour every article and start getting your act truly together.

 

link removed

 

 

Now, some people might disagree with me but I am just bringing my opinions out in the open. Nevertheless, check out Al Turtle's site, invaluable stuff there.

[Diagonal]

Thanks for the advice and links guys, really appreciate it

 

So this morning I sent her a supportive text just saying that I hope that her ongoing health problem was ok and that I'm sure that every day she's going to be closer to overcoming it. (I'm not going to go into details)

 

Anyway, she text back asking if I was "psychic" as she was really sturggling this past week and my text was a "perfect way to wake up to kickstart the day".

 

I text back saying that I'm here for her if she needs someone to talk to (she keeps her problem very private even from her friends and family see), as I know she still trusts me with that portion of her life.

 

I'll leave it there for now I guess. I'm really glad I text though, the timing was impeccable!