Why is my buddy like this?

[Yourwayornoway]

My buddy Dan and I have been friends for years... We talk about everything together (girls, people, cars....) you get the idea... Well he has this way about him that adapts to the person he is around at the time... It is the strangest thing and he is so good at it... When it's just us hanging out we get along great and when other people/friends join us it great to. It's just that he acts different. You can tell he's uncomfortable sometimes and I can't put my finger on it. In fact I believe he tries to separate his buddy's in general not just me. Sometimes people tell me different things he has said and I'm like this person believes this, but I know it is not true. But I know he would want them to believe it... I know this sounds really weird but I feel like he treats me like his girl friend or something (not in a sexual way). He has said from time to time "your my best friend". I got to tell you though, I feel like he is playing everyone in his life... What is up with him… I'm thinking I should try to put some separation between us because I feel played but he does that to everyone.. I can also say he's a loner.. lots of acquaintances but doesn't let anyone real close… Is he mad I know him too well or do you think I don't know him at all?…

[Silent Man]

Just wanted to give you my perspective cause I'm a little like that. Some people have a hard time being themselves so they do sort of 'adapt' to the current situation or company. I myself act differently depending on who I'm with and when there are a few people together than I get a little uncomfortable. Mine stems from insecurity.

[Yourwayornoway]

He is not what you would call shy by any stretch of the imagination... It's almost like he's trying to impress everyone. He seems to pretend he is happy but I can tell by different comments when its just me and him that he's depressed. So yea I guess he is insecure... Do you ever feel like your hurting your friends but acting like this? I feel like he has another life or something that he's not telling me about. I guess it wouldn't hurt me so bad but it seems to come off as lying... And in my book you don't lie to your best friend..

[Silent Man]

Well I'm not sure that I'm 'hurting' my friends its more like they may think WTF? But then I again I don't think I do it to the extent that your friend seems to. But you may be right about him being depressed and not saying anything. Could be because he's not sure why he's depressed or just may not be the type of person to tell someone their feeling that way.

[Yourwayornoway]

Yea Your probably right.. I just wish he would tell me what it bugging him... Maybe it's me?

[Silent Man]

No your probably right but he won't come out and tell you unless he wants to.

[Yourwayornoway]

What do you think I should do... Should I talk to him about it? I know he's doing stuff and not telling me? Like I'll say did you do anything fun this weekend? Then he will tell me everything in detail but one part. At the time I don't know what part he left out, if any... Then a few days pass and I talked to Mike another friend and he's telling me how him and Dan went to a strip club on Saturday! Dan's telling me how he ran out to laundry detergent and had to make a special trip to the store (on Monday) and totally forgot to mention the strip club?? What guy could forget about something like that? Maybe he just tells everyone "your my best friend" and I just need to accept I'll only know 60% of him. If I say something about the strip club he will probably say something like "I didn't want to go" "Mike starting giving me a hard time and I finally said ok". I don't want to talk to him about this one thing, but in general his way about leaving out parts he doesn't want me to know about for some reason... I don't care if he went to a strip clubs!!! Could there be guilt because he didn't ask me or didn't want me to go for some reason?

[Silent Man]

Unfortunately that would be my assumption that he didn't want you to come so he didn't invite you and he didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you he went and didn't ask if you wanted to come. Or maybe the other people he was with had something to do with it, maybe he couldn't act the way he likes to around them with you there because you said he acts different around different people. Maybe it's time to change his status to 'Good Friend'.

[Yourwayornoway]

I think your right... It just bothers me it's taken years to figure it out. Part of me doesn't want to know, but I just cant going on trying to be best friends just because he calls me that.. My options are to say something to him? or just try to see him as a friend and that's it.. What would you do??? Thanks for all your help..