I'm so sad, I really need advice

[Jerseygirl]

My ex and I have been on and off for three years... he broke up with me b/c he thought he couldn't satisfy me, since i started becoming insecure with the relationship and constantly questioning his love for me. It was just too much for him. Anyways, he said he still had feelings for me, yet he moved on to another girl who he is now dating! We went through a period of ignoring since I caused scenes/drama and he got mad at me...But now we are on better terms, and smile/say hi when we see eachother. But that's all. I don't call, IM or anything. I'm trying to really disappear from his life so he could possibly miss me, but I hear stories of how he and his new gf publicly display affection, yet ppl tell me they don't seem like they "connect" all they do is kiss, hold hands..and not really talk a lot. He seems happy though with her and im devastated. He usually comes around but this time it seems harder to get him back and im scared. I act happy, cheery around him when i do see him, but what now? Im so sad, i feel like hes totally forgotten about me....please, i need advice

[Silent Man]

If it was meant to be he'll come around when he's ready. In the meantime try not to pine over him too much, live your life and let fate handle it. Don't deny yourself any opportunities to live while your waiting for him.

[martyj]

i agree with Silent Man

 

Just because he has someone new doesnt mean jack.

 

Just wait until they have problems which every couple does he will think about you then, but maybe you will have become strong enough and moved on so he will lose out not you

 

take care and believe it does get better!

[lisaria]

Hey Jerseygirl,

I'm really sorry you are hurting. I know how it feels. My ex started dating someone the same week (day?) we split, he was probably talking to her even before. Anyway...

I think you are doing the right thing. Just smiling and being friendly, not causing any scenes is the way to go. When he starts having problems with his new g/f then he'll start remembering the good times you guys had. I've heard that it takes anywhere from four months to a year before the honeymoon period is over in a new relationship. Give it time. You guys have a history and over this period of time the bad memories will fade and the good ones will shine.

I got really insecure the last few months of my relationship, I had reason to. Are you sure you didn't? Was your intuition telling you something? Was he pulling away? My ex did and I got really clingy and that made me insecure and I simply reacted instead of acting and I would start fights and did things I should not have done. Which of course, made him run away and I chased like a cat after a mouse. It was degrading, I can see that now. It takes two to make it work and only one to finish it. He thought the grass was greener, I hope it wasn't. With all my heart I hope he's thinking about us now.

I hope it works out for you. Just be very patient. And start dating again. Flirt a little. it doesn't hurt for him to see you being interesting to other guys. And who knows, you may find someone who treats you better.

Lisa

[rnorth]

The best thing that you can do, is take care of yourself first. Believe me, you will get noticed by getting more confidence and finding happiness beyond just him. He will see this. The difficulty here is that you need to do this for yourself, not just because you want him back.

 

I think you need to cultivate the relationship with yourself. If you do this, you will learn to deal with whatever happens more effectively, whether you get back together with him or not. See a therapist, talk to clergy, seek help through whatever channel is right for you. Be good to yourself. If you do this, he will notice. But once again, do it for yourself first and be okay with the outcome whatever it is.

 

Good luck and God bless.