Dealing with parents/home in relationship

[X4r]

Whelp, since about September of 2009 I've been going out with this fairly attractive girl that I met not too long before asking her out (if you look at my previous thread, it turned out to be a hell of a lot easier to get things moving sooner rather than later). Things have been going really well, this is gonna' be the last semester before we graduate high school, we've both already been accepted into programs in the same school, both want to have an apartment instead of moving into the student housing, so I'm hoping, if all goes well we could just split the rent and share an apt, which would be nice, I hope.

 

But before any of that, she's been wanting to come over for a while, basically I'm not of a wealthy family, we live in a crummy apartment in Chinatown, which is basically downtown, but this area is pretty old/run down looking. She lives a bit further out in the suburbs, nice house/neighborhood etc. I've been to her place/met her parents before so it's all good, except when it comes to me. I don't really want her to meet my parents (not the greatest people in the world) and see the crap I have to live in/deal with. She already thinks it's odd enough that I live in this area (I'm white) and I don't want to turn her away.

 

Problem is that I'm embarrassed about this and even more embarrassed to tell her about it, most of the time when we go out, we go somewhere nice rather than her house so it's not like she'd be expecting to hang out there a lot, but I just don't feel comfortable bringing her there, and can't think of a way to explain that without putting her off (for all I know, she wouldn't give a damn but it's hard for me to accept that).

 

Any suggestions? I'd imagine it'd be kind of hard to keep it this way for the rest of the year, but I really don't know how he'd react either.

 

Sorry for the longish post, most of it's useless information anyway, so you can skip past it =D.

[winchester3]

hah, comparing this one girl i was dating - her family/house to mine. She upstaged mine 10-1. 7 family members live in this house. Honestly the only time i would clean the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom was anytime before she would come over. I'm comfortable with the way i live my life, i'm just lazy is all. Nothing like a little modivation to clean up the house a bit. I live like a slob, my pretty clean standard was "It's pretty messy in here" to her. I present my self very clean and tidly, never any bad stink (that i know of). I'm proud of my parents, house and family... well most of the time atleast. Our living standards/differences were never an issue. Just tell her beforehand what to expect before you bring her home. You should be proud to bring a girl home to meet the folks.

[X4r]

Well the thing is, house is clean and all, but it's still pretty pathetic, not a nice area at all, not to mention my parents are ********, not someone you'd want your girl to meet.

[meiling]

Hun, I had such a similar problem to yours not that long ago. I started seeing this great guy before spring semester ended last year. I knew I couldn't keep him from coming down to my parent's house forever, but the very idea scared the crap out of me. My family is nice but they are just overworked and my dad has health problems and not great hygiene. Our house is not in a good neighborhood either, is pretty run down (there is still a giant hole in our kitchen ceiling from last year and our basement floods for examples) and not very clean unless I take the initiative.

 

Guess what? The seemingly impossible happened: he still liked me after that! And he's been there a few other times and it has not driven him away. The parents, you cannot do that much about unless they are reasonable enough to be nicer when you have company over. But if she is a real gem of a girl (which is what I suspect you are after!) then she will not change her feelings for you based on your household situation. I completely understand how hard it is, I would not have people over for YEARS, even close friends, because I was so embarrassed. But you will come out the other side very relieved when you realize that good people do not care so much about that! I hope that you can get over your anxiety for this!

[X4r]

Thanks meiling, what you said made sense and it's good to know someone out there experienced the same thing and came out the other end

 

She ended up coming over today to do some assignment work, parents were at work most of the time until just before she left, they weren't rude or anything so it's all good, she doesn't seem to care, if anything, finds it cool that I get to live in the city.