Finally took your advice about dad/daughter issues, & ..

[Islandgirl]

Hi! To recap briefly: I posted here several wks ago re: a man I've been dating for over a yr, who's 28-yr-old daughter lives with him. She has a successful career but has lived back at home since college. She wants to join us on over half our dates, which is usually dinner, & she calls every time he & I do go out alone, to ask him where we're going & when we'll be back & usually seems to want or expect to be invited. We seldom close his bdrm door but when we do she knocks to come in & chat. Last Sun, we had the door closed for a total of about an hr & a half. She knocked FOUR times, for different 'reasons', & he instantly invited her in every time.

 

The advice I was given from the wise souls on this forum: Tell him to talk to her, to tell her to back off. (I'd hinted around for a yr, saying we didn't spend enough time alone & etc.)

 

Recently, I asked him, in no uncertain terms, if he thought it was normal for a man to invite his grown daughter on his dates with him? And I told him she needed to give us more privacy, & that she was too emotionally dependant on him. He got angry but he couldn't argue with the fact that it's not normal. Later, he told me he talked to her, telling her *I* thought he & I needed to date, just me & him, more often than including anyone else. He said she understood. After she came into the bedroom 4 times, he talked to her about that too. We were together one more day after that talk, & the next day he yelled a little when she knocked & he was getting dressed. She didn't like that at all, got all huffy.

 

I only spent 3 days with him last wk instead of the 6 I could have spent, becoz I'm so tired of all this weirdness with his daughter. On that last nite we had to be together, after having to go to a wedding & sit with his daughter & her date the nite before, she still had the nerve to call & ask where we were & where we were going that last nite, while we were out on our date. He sounded annoyed with her about it & did not invite her or tell her where we were going.

 

So my question is, since I do see him trying to make changes, is there hope? Or am I being too stubborn to give up a sunk ship? Any advice is appreciated.

[VickiRose]

I think that there is hope... You should play her at her own game. I think she is jealous that you just might take her daddy away from her. I would try to be buddy to buddy with her. Be extremely friendly, so its not threatening. Approach her like this, I was thinking of going to the park for a quick jog, or the gym wanna join me. Or hey wanna go out to lunch sometime. Get her to feel comfortable around you, then maybe you can open up, and tell her that you love her father, and you enjoy your privacy with him. Like she wouldnt want you going along her dates with her boyfriend right? I think by developing a cool relationship with her, helps in the process of her gaining respect for you, hopefully enough to leave ya both alone at times.

 

Or perhaps talk about marriage for her, dont you think it would be cool if you and (her boyfriend) got a place of your own, you two are so great together, what a cute family you would have, yayay get the deal? Maybe, after some convincing she'll move out or leave ya alone.... I know for one thing, there is always a way to get around things.... If theres a will theres a way... Good Luck... I hope that this makes sense, if you have any questions I'd be happy to answer them.