non stereotypical body language?

[Santa]

Hi,

In the past i have read many articles about flirting and body language, and so look for them in real life situations.

I notice sometimes things that males are suppossed to do are done by females and vica versa (eg females holding doors open for guys). Is this just something freaky, or are these things misread by me?

I always thought before that females stereotypicaly did one set of things and guys another, but it seems some of these things swap over...

[GimmeASpork]

Just think about changes in the persons own demeanor, don't look for any prescribed body positions. Like if you're talking to someone and they seem overall relaxed and animated- they probably think you're great to talk to. Or if you mention something they think is unpleasant, they might change their tone or sound like their voice is tense, etc. I'm sure the articles out there talk about things that have just been observed happening, not necessarily rules of behavior.

[RandyB]

Holding the door open for someone, and lots of other examples, is just common courtesy. Both men and women do it. But I'm glad someone else pointed out how complicated body language is. I wouldn't trust anyone who says one kind of gesture always means the same thing. I don't put much stock in interpreting body language. I wouldn't even call it body "language." The same gesture can mean a dozen different things depending on who does it and when, or, in most cases I suspect, it means nothing at all.

 

Yes, people tell lies, but there is still no substitute for verbal communication.

RandyB

[Frodo Baggins]

Yeah, that checklist isn't a definitive rulebook to behavior; it's a guide comprised of observations that can help. The actions alone on the list mean nothing, but when taken into consideration with possible feelings, that's when it becomes more significant. Where it gets complicated is if you have to go by actions to acertain feelings; that's always gonna be a toughie, list or no.

[abcjmt]

Na I think it is completely normal. See Body language is kind of like Dreams. There is not typical standard to fallow. I think that different jesters have different meaning for different people. Like for example holding the door open for one person could have been ingrained into their behavior and it is a instanced. Or they could be trying to make others happy. It could also be a million other reasons, each jester is its own. No two are completely alike. Though patterns can be found when something falls outside of it, that doesn't mean that something is off and wrong. One pattern that I have noticed that seems to hold up is that people do what they do to gain whether it be personal or other.

[chriscarlander]

Body language is not meant to be a substitute for verbal communication. 80-90% of our communication is done with our bodies. There are no real standards, but there are guides that will help you to understand non-verbal communication.

It is closely realted to a vocal language where individual words (actions) mean little, but when combined into a sentece (gesture cluster) you have a better chance of understanding its true meaning.

 

Holding a door open is not body language, its simply courtesy.

 

Like for example holding the door open for one person could have been ingrained into their behavior and it is a instanced.

 

How is body language? What would this mean in your terms?

 

One pattern that I have noticed that seems to hold up is that people do what they do to gain whether it be personal or other

 

This would mean that people use body language for their own benefit. This is true, however, there are very few people who actually know how to use it. Maybe 1 out of every 20-30 people would actively use it.

 

Where it gets complicated is if you have to go by actions to acertain feelings; that's always gonna be a toughie, list or no

 

It's not the individual gesture or signal that you should look at, it's the cluster or groups of gestures and signals that tell you what she/he feels or is thinking.

 

The same gesture can mean a dozen different things depending on who does it and when, or, in most cases I suspect, it means nothing at all.

 

Actually, if you spend enough time researching this topic and then observing these signals when you're talking to someone you may know, you find that these signals actually do have meaning. Maybe a little subdued, but they still carry meaning!

 

Yes, people tell lies, but there is still no substitute for verbal communication.

 

On the contrary. Considering that there is a very small percentage of people who can lie with their bodies, we should learn mor about body language in order to detect liars.

 

Or if you mention something they think is unpleasant, they might change their tone or sound like their voice is tense, etc

 

Right, this is done through their subconscious. They're not aware that they're doing this. You've 'seen' or 'felt' that change in their demeanor, but they don't know that they have changed. You could now use body language to help them relax or try asking the question in a different way.

 

Animals use bodylanguage to communicate, not vocals. we've become "so advanced" that we've lost our ability to read body language. We're still basically animals, to deny that is ignorant, so we should be able to re-learn to understand body language.

[GimmeASpork]

Animals use bodylanguage to communicate, not vocals. we've become "so advanced" that we've lost our ability to read body language. We're still basically animals, to deny that is ignorant, so we should be able to re-learn to understand body language.

 

Animals do use some vocalizations to communicate with each other, they're not just limited to body language. I don't think we've "lost" our ability to read body language. We're definitely not as atune to body language as we should be, and you're right in suggesting we should be able to understand it, but it's not lost.

 

I don't think anyone is trying to deny we're "basically animals" and that we should be able to understand body language better. I think the direction this thread was taking was that we shouldn't take observations on body language as rules telling us what someone is feeling based on how they crossed their arms or moved their head, but more as guidelines to help us understand other people by taking body language into account in conjuction with other cues such as tone of voice, context, etc. Because after all, humans use all of these to communicate.