going on a date, but feelings for a friend...

[Teale]

So I'm sure there's gazillions of versions of my story, but... there is a boy and I really like him as more than a friend. I get the impression he likes me too for various reasons but I am sure he would never make a move without being 100% confident about it. I know from the past that he never initiates things with girls... he basically takes opportunities thrown at him rather than putting himself out there. I also think he is quite insecure about the fact that he is slightly shorter than I am.

 

I know I don't help the situation because any alone time we have...I have an awful habit of constantly being witty and lightening the mood. In general, I hate to give away the fact that I like someone. I want to make it obvious that I like him without putting myself out there...but I don't know how??! We have been friends for a while now and I am quite sure I haven't been friendzoned, but I am worried about embarrassing myself or our mutual friends finding out.

 

Also I am going on a date with another boy this week at my friend's insistence that I give him a go. She says my standards are way too high and I never give anyone a chance and that feelings can develop unexpectedly. He is perfectly nice but I just worry that I'm digging myself a hole by going because I know he likes me quite a lot and I am fairly neutral. then there's that whole other internal fiasco... ](*,)

 

So I guess I'm asking about two separate but related issues. I would really appreciate some help!

[thetruth]

Feelings can develop, surprisingly, out of nowhere. but when you already have those feelings for someone else, the chances of that happening are pretty slim.

 

As for the one you like - one of you is going to have to put themselves out there. that's just the way it is. I used to hate it myself, but now have gotten to look at it as an opportunity to learn, grow, etc. Just be positive about it.

 

If you think about it - he probably doesn't know you like him , so he definitely won't be the one to put himself out - that leaves one

 

Anyone that makes you feel silly or stupid for liking someone is shallow, and needs to find a life. I know it is tough in the school crowd - believe me - I passed up a few girls I liked, because i was worried what the "popular kids" i was friends with would think of the less popular ones ... or because I already knew what they thought.

 

either way it wasn't worth it. I have regretted it to this day and you will too. If you like him, go for it!

[earlylifecrisis]

I was in exactly same situ few years ago with my gf!!!

What happened was my gf said how come we're just friends? Then we became a couple for 4 years!

 

at the time i hung out with her as a friend too ,we cracked jokes, had tons of fun as friends and all the time I thought she was out of my league so I would have never pulled a move and put myself into friend zone. I would have never have asked her out unless she did so first.

 

So if you really like him you should initiate half-funnily and see what he says. Just say "how come we're not more than friends?" or sth like that. I was shocked at first but then we got together and it was beautiful!

[Teale]

thanks thetruth

i know nobody will make me feel silly about it, our friends aren't that immature, i guess its not even worth worrying about. i'm more worried about being rejected. i feel quite confident that he likes me but what if im imagining it??! i just don't take risks like this. is there a way you would suggest letting him know about my feelings? its never going to be a 'just lean in and kiss' situation...so i don't know how to go about it...

 

its nice to hear stories like yours earlylifecrisis i agree with you so much, i think when you like someone you tend to put them up there, and feel they're a bit out of league...i think maybe we've both put each other in this category.

[thetruth]

very likely - but regardless of the reason there is only one way to find out!

 

and you know, rejection hurts like hell - at first. but eventually something mental happens and it just stops hurting as much. it's really not bad - what ends up hurting more is the liking someone who doesn't reciprocate - but that will hurt whether you tell them or not. rejection is nothing.

 

the worst that comes of trying is everything stays the same