finally saw my ex gf

[Maverick212]

I recently made a visit to my college to visit friends for a birthday party. anyway i went to go say hi to a few of the girls that live in the same building and my ex happens to live with them. my ex and have spoken to each other quite a bit over the summer, everything but phone calls. anyway saw her and she looked at me funny a few times i noticed, i was wearing an outfit that i guess was kind of different for me (plaid shorts and a wife beater) and my ex commented, saying "i tried to get you to wear shorts all the time and you never did." so then, me, her and her suitemates chatted and i shocked my ex with a few things a said, but in a good way.

 

then she asked what i was doing tonight, and she invited me to a party she was going to around campus somewhere. anyway i didn't end up going, and now i feel like i should have because i do still wish to be with her, and maybe the party was an opportunity to take things a tiny step forward. did i screw up an opportunity?

[thetruth]

i don't think so, not yet. but you need to let her know that you do want to get together some time.

 

don't push it to get BACK together, because that's not what she did. just reciprocate exactly what she did and see what happens (you want to ask her to go to a party where there will be other people, and mutual friends if any... not as a date, just as she said it basically.)

 

you have a history, she likes the changes she saw - there is no reason to think one missed day ruined everything.

[Maverick212]

yeah makes sense to do just that. last semester before i graduated she asked me to go smoke with her twice and i said no both times. i would ask her to chill so much more if i was still at school, it sucks not being there

[knightNshiningarmor]

first of punch yourself in the groin...why didnt you take up the opportunity unless you had better stuff to do. You were in the driving position with that one having her chase you...its going to be hard to be in that position again with this girl. Honestly if it were me id chalk it up to a learning experience and simply move on...most girls you get one chance to escalate and the biggest mistake many men do is fail to take the opportunity then with their actions beg for it back. Skip that last step and just move on. There are plenty of women who will make you happy and should you run into her again and the tensions are still high then escalate and see where things go otherwise sit back and chill.

If you must proceed, which cmon we all know you will because what guy in todays day and age sacks up and moves on...very few...so at least dont call her one or 2 days after saying it was nice running into you do you want to go to the tea place i know and catch up: plz oh plz....NO...... Next time something fun is going on u throw her a text shot tell her you car is in the shop and your buddy is throwing a big party at his place why dont you pick me up and go with me. Advantage here....you dont seem desperate and still gaga over her...you get her to do something fun where the environment is conducive to escalation and best part you have a reason to have her stay at your place or you hers to the fact that at the end of the night driving to get your car or driving home for her is too much of a hassel why dont you just stay here for the night...it will be obviously implied you want her to stay over so you can have sex so further implying it will be over kill so instead offset it with something funny like "why dont you stay at my place tonight and head back in the morning...but you get the couch (smirk).

[Maverick212]

knightnshiningarmor, gotta say i loved your reply. makes a hell of alot of sense. the going to smoke with opportunities well, once was at 5 in the morning and i was kinda tired, the second time, i was on my way out to go somewhere. and the other night when she invited me to the party i actually did text her to ask her where it was, but it had already ended.

 

a few friends have said that if anything is going to happen, it's on me to make it happen. i'm just a lil aprhenesive to do anything with her or make a move cuz i don't know how she'll react. i don't want to initiate again bc i feel like i've been doing that too much lately. i need her to initiate with me somehow, and next time i visit school we need to be in some social circle with other people.

[HopeArises]

C, if anything, you improved your chances with her by not going. You're being independent and hard to get. She'll take more notice that you DIDN'T go than if you were to have gone.

[HopeArises]

No offense, but it is THIS mindset that gets gets guys to second guess themselves. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES and MOVE ON because he didn't go? C'MON MAN, she'll respect him SO MUCH MORE that he didn't go. He didn't lose an opportunity with her. He GAINED ONE by not having gone. TRUST ME.

 

C, have confidence in what you did. Don't doubt yourself. Call her in a few days. YES, CALL HER. Seems like you've been avoiding doing that for some reason. A phone is the most confident thing you can do.

[Maverick212]

Hey D, it's good to hear from you man, thanks for the post. i'm trying to be as strong willed as i possibly can be with her right now, and extra careful. i'd love to call her up but i just don't see a reason to, we live so far away from one another. I'm sure i'll see her again at school when i go back to visit. me and her just need to hang out in the same social setting and have a good time together, that would make all the difference. it sucks cause the feelings are still there, and i don't know where she actually stands.