help me stop being jealous

[caliboy]

I have a jealousy problem. For example, my girlfriend goes out for coffee with a male coworker and I'm bothered by this. Another example, I'm at my girlfriend's place, we're just talking and she goes into her closet and grabs a guy friend's sweater and wears it and I get bothered by this (I gave her a sweater of mine 4 months ago and it still sits in her garage). I know jealousy is a juvenile way of thinking. Who cares if she goes out for coffee or wears another guys sweater. Why do these things bother me? I don't directly say anything about it, but my mood changes and I get quiet/angry in general. It creates problems/starts fights between us and it's not good. We're both stubborn people and we argue a lot. How can I get to a point where these kinds of things truly don't bother me?

[abcd1234]

You seem to be very protective of your friend, do you think that by her wearing another persons sweater or by going out with a male co-worker you will lose her as a friend?

 

When she does these things you just have to assume that it means nothing (it usually doesnt mean anything anyway), its not worth worrying yourself about these things. You cant stop being jealous overnight, next time you feel jealous just think to yourself: "By being jealous, what am i acheiving?"

 

abcd1234

[caliboy]

oh for the record, she's my girlfriend of almost 6 months and not just a friend. You're right about thinking about what I'm acheiving by being jealous. I always here people say 'oh so-and-so is a jealous person. that's just who they are.' and this makes you think that that's that. That person's jealous and always will be. I think it's just something i have to control and over time and eventually my jealousy will subside to nothing. I hope this is how it works.

[woobiegirl]

Hi caliboy,

 

Sounds like you mean well, and it's good that you recognize that your little spurts of jealousy can create unpleasant feelings between your g/f and yourself. I bet at the end of the night you regret some of the your negative thoughts or moods it put you in....it can spoil a otherwise pleasant evening for no reason. We all have our reasons for letting things bother us and many of these feelings come from the way we were raised and if we were trusted as children. Try doing some research and/or reading on the topic, it may help you to understand why this happens, or how to handle it if you feel it coming on.. You are off to a great start by acknowledging it, and it will definitely lead to a healthier relationship with everyone in your life, but mostly give you peace of mind.

 

Here is an interesting site you might like to check out...it offers over 440 tests, 1 is a jealousy test and so many more interesting ones. I've taken several and it's amazing how much we can learn about ourselves if we answer them honestly.

 

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Best wishes,

Woobiegirl