Protecting your heart vs. Shooting yourself in the foot.

[vivisection-8]

What are the steps to preventing a damaging past from becoming a damaging future? If something traumatic in a relationship occurs, how do you manage to stave off the typical response of turning a 180 and completely cutting yourself off in that aspect?

 

For instance, if someone is dishonest with you and it puts you in a position of great pain, how do you stop yourself from being overly suspicious of the next person?

 

How do you begin to truly let go of traumatic issues, even in relationships which are still ongoing? What is the process to really "let go and let God" so to speak.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Keep in mind that the new person is not the old one.

 

And, also remember that if they ever do run out on you, good riddance.

 

Everytime a situation comes up that angers/upsets/makes you feel insecure...think to yourself "is it the situation...or is it me?". Figure out what your triggers are when it comes to not trusting people, and always check yourself whenever you come accross a trigger.

 

Over time, it'll become subconcious and you'll filter your actions/words without having to think about it.

[vivisection-8]

Keep in mind that the new person is not the old one.

 

And, also remember that if they ever do run out on you, good riddance.

 

Everytime a situation comes up that angers/upsets/makes you feel insecure...think to yourself "is it the situation...or is it me?". Figure out what your triggers are when it comes to not trusting people, and always check yourself whenever you come accross a trigger.

 

Over time, it'll become subconcious and you'll filter your actions/words without having to think about it.

 

What if you have allowed the situation to permeate your mindset to an extent? Personally, I cannot stand it when my partner makes jokes regarding negative situations we've been entangled in (situations like being threatened by friends, controlling family members). I take this as someone making light of bad situations which are better left forgotten, but I'm told that I should take the approach of "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" and that you have to laugh at yourself, etc. What if it simply is not funny? I almost think that I must have lingering feelings or I didn't lick my wounds enough.

 

I'm just not sure how to associate positive connotations to negative situations. I don't want to feel as if I have not let it go, but I can't help but think I haven't.

 

If I were to enter into a different relationship, I would have to actively control my reactions to situations like that again. I'd have to literally stop myself from being turned off by friends & family interaction which makes me look paranoid.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Try and see it from their point of view.

 

My boyfriend often brings humor into things where I wouldn't find it appropriate. Sometimes it upsets me a little. But, I know he's trying to make me feel better, to make me feel more litehearted about the situation.

 

I could never be upset at him with those intentions.