Lokide Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 Ok so I began going out with a girl after knowing her for only a short time. And in the beginning it was pretty good. Except I still had feelings for another girl. But I never told her this. But as our relationship grew the girl I was dating became all I thought about. It was great most of the time except we didnt get as much time alone as we would have liked. But other than that it was great. But then something happened. The Sunday after Valentines Day her and some of my friends came over to hang out. And I was being a dick. I was too touchy feely and made her uncomfortable. Also a friend of mine made some comments that I could tell made her uncomfortable. And instead of talking to her or anything. I shut down and ignored her. This was a HUGE mistake on my part. And to make things worse as she was leaving she attempted to give me a kiss and I turned my to my cheek. Well after this I talked to her and told her that I thought things were getting weird. And so like we left on a bad note. So we didnt talk for a few days. And then finally she called me after I had left a few messages for her. We talked and decided that we would continue the relationship and work things out. Well this was ok except she had plans to visit her sister and was unable to really talk or do anything. And I waited. Then we had the chance to talk online and things just werent right. We seemed to be disagreeing and it was bad. And for the past few days I had felt like crud b/c I had no clue what was happening between us. So I did what I thought was right and suggeted we separate. She agreed. At this point I thought I had made the right decesion after all I felt better knowing what was going on. And we had only been together a month and I should be fine. And I was for a few days. However then we began talking again online. And I realized how much I missed her. And so I ended up calling her and apologizing. And I told her what I felt I had done wrong why it was wrong and that it meant alot to me that I fix things between us. And so for a few days we talked everynight on the phone, but things were still akward when we saw each other. And then finally I had, had enough and I called her and told her that I wanted to get back together and that I would do whatever it took to do so. She shut me down and said that she wasnt really feeling it and that she didnt want to make a wrong decesion. And I told her that I understood and I would let her be. But this was something I couldnt do. Because everytime I think about her or look at her I feel so many emotions. And she is absolutly everything I want right now. And I feel so horrible What do I do. We still talk but Im timid about calling her but I will do whatever. Please I need help. Link to comment
vroomvroom Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 Lokide, I'm not sure what the solution is to your problem but I really wish somebody would answer your post on what to do in a situation like yours cuz I'd like to know what to do too. I wish I could offer you more help. Unfortunately tho, I seem to be in a similar situation where right after Valentine's Day, me and my boyfriend got in a huge fight, and things haven't been the same since. I feel almost like he's shut me out completely even tho he says he'll give me another chance. But everytime I see him online, and he doesn't IM me to say Hi, it HURTS. I'm trying to stay tough, trying to not be so available to him... make him start wondering where I am... maybe make him miss me a little more, but who knows how long that'll take and in the meantime, I'm DYING inside. But when I feel at my weakest and most vulnerable, I read stupid magazine articles on how to win guys, or I read posts here about others and how they're dealing with their situations. That helps me a little. Sometimes it just helps to know that u're not the only one in that situation. Good Luck. Hang in there. Link to comment
cookies Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 yep...ur both not the only ones in a situation like this...and speaking from a girls perspective of the pain on "the other side" of this spectrum, (not all tho) you may just have pushed her away. Bet u didnt think she would ever find the strength to walk away, ...did u? When we care about sumbody, and feel rediculed in front of ur friends, it send a message to our mind that you have very little or no respect 4 us as the beautiful women we are....and ultimately, someone that loves and care for you freely...from the depths of our hearts... If one of ur guy friends say something to or about ur girl thats out of the way, and if u love her...it is really reassuring to know that my man "has my back"..but can still hold it down with being cool with his friends, but just establishing that understanding of how she is to be treated and respected...thats very painful to a respectable woman who lacks this level of closeness and "backing" from her man... The bitter sweet pain in our hearts can only last for so long, and then we slowly pull ourselves together as we head into the healing process... Thats also an embarrassing situation to be in...and sometime...regardless of how much we may love u men,...we can only reach out to u so far and for so long...eventually our arms will become tired...what are we supose to do?... certainly not BEG for your love. Thats not a part of what God ha put us here to do...we are here to uplift and complete our other halfs...and if your love is not willing to meet us half way... there does come a time for a woman to realize "nothing" is there..and begin slowly move along... i dont care about the games of weather or not he wanders where i am...thats irrelevant to me, and doe NOT comfort my pain...what i focus on, and begin to care about is that ..there IS someone that will wander "where have i been all of his life"...i must stay postive in order to maintain hope that there is one special place meant for me...in the arms of a man who...REALLY...cares... hopefully, this is insightful to the guys or gurls in this situation... we must teach ourselves that...to be truly successful in a wonderful relationship in ur life someday,...u must stop playing games... cookies [/i] Link to comment
Lokide Posted March 5, 2003 Author Share Posted March 5, 2003 Ok so thank you two for your posts. But I still could use some advise on what to do. We still are talking alot and I feel like its going somewhere but Im not positive so please someone help me with some advise. Link to comment
cookies Posted March 5, 2003 Share Posted March 5, 2003 look a little closer and deeper into waht i just said. Its quite simple to see underlying pain from a womans perspective. Try to mend or work at reasurraning her that you do care and love her. I, as a woman, need to feel the love flowing to my heart, and it doesnt necessarily have to be "spoken words". there are many ways a man can express his love or "concern" for a woman thru the way he treats her in front of his friends and when theyre alone,...showing no difference in the two, the way he speaks to her tenderly, does small things for her, support her goals or ideas, and conversate with her with understanding are a few... If you disrespect her, your friends may very well feel they have the right to do the same...making her feel unloved or even wander away to find love elsewhere...that is willing to make her heart feel "full" and most beautiful inside... when we love someone, the best thing to do if we want to make a change is begin by letting our love flow outwardly to the one we love. Let your heart connect with hers in as many ways as u possibly can. Kiss her on her lips, as its very intimate and passionate versus turning ur head. Not only would that have made my head drop in disappointment, but my heart and belief that he truly loves me, as well...she should never be doubtful of your love, especially in front of ur friends, how sad and awful she must have felt... ...The only one that can assure her of how deeply you love her..is YOU. I do suggest you both move forward from the past, but altho u may feel u didnt do anything really wrong, try internalizing what uve done to possibly hurt her and begin by asking for forgiveness is a great first step. Whatever actions you take, should just come naturally as your love continue to grow... I also find that making God a priority in a relationship works wonderfully... cookies Link to comment
Lokide Posted March 7, 2003 Author Share Posted March 7, 2003 Thanks for the advise cookie. I did act upon your words and apologized. I also told her how much she meant to me. And that she made me happier than she could imagine. And afterwards I felt that I had lost all of my dignity because I had done something I have always had problems with I told her how I felt. unfortunately she didnt really respond. She just kind of stayed silent. And that made me feel even worse. But then she said she realized that it took a lot out of me. And she respected me. But once again she just kind of shot me down. We have plans to hang out in a group and I dont know how to handle it. She is the world to me. And I have been told that I can replace her and that there are other fish in the sea. But the fact of the matter is that it is an insult to say she could be replaced, because she is unique and its hard because she always will be excatly what I want. So we havent really cut of contact and I didnt really ask her out again. So I ma once again looking for advise on what I should do. If any one knows what I can do to win back this girl who absoultly makes me feel blissful please help. I hate to say it but I am def. desperate. Link to comment
cookies Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 well it really looks as if the ball has firmly landed in her court doesnt it? Its so sad that some men play games, (not sayin u do stanka,) but...some men do and when it backfires...they break down like they never imagined possible. The saddest part is...what if she takes the ball and toss it the h*ll away, instead of compromising? ...so... now u gotta just wait n see whas up... When u let her know how u felt, that was very brave cuz u layd ya cards on the table. Dont be upset that she didnt respond to the silence just yet...her reactions could have been either one of two ways inside her heart. She may have been totally taken as u touched her heart by revealing the true "gentleman" that u are,...and trying to figure out a way to grasp all of this so suddenly, after uve treated her the way u have, and happy that u finally came around to that mutual bondship that shes longed for alla this time from u... OR... she could have gotten to the point that...she knows she loves u with all of her heart, but she has finally gained the strength and made it up in her mind to move on with her life. Afterall, she very well may have good reasoning to do so, from the things uve shared with us. But, what do u think will be the most reasonable actions she may have at this point? deep within ur heart..i m sure u know the answer, because of her reaction and facial expression during that conversation...but right now...all u can do is just sit tyte..and hope that you expressed ur love passionately enough to have "recaptured" her broken and fragile little heart... cookies Link to comment
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