How can she do this??

[raven1755]

hi, im new...but i really just needed to talk/write about how im feeling right now.i just broke up w/ my girlfriend of 4 years. and it really devistated me. She came from a really mentally messed up family, and i work for 4 years to gain her trust and love. Until about a week ago. I found out that she was seeing other men behind my back. I was hurt and really mad. so we decided that it would be best to try counceling to help us rebiuld that trust. I was all for it. I wasnt gunna take 4 years of hard work and throw it out the window. So we went. And things got better....till i found out that she was sleeping with the same guy that she was seeing behind my back. I found most of this out 2-3 days ago. And Im devistated by this. I dont know what to do. we had planned a marrage in a few years and now....all of it...me getting out on my own away from my parents, and now i have no one. it hurt more than any other break up i'd ever had. i just dont know how, where, or (WHY i should) start again. PLEASE!! someone give me advice on how to start again....

[Rainswept]

first of all..Just want to welcome you to enotalone

its always hard when a long term relationship comes to an end, you might not even know what to do with yourself these days...I think you should continue with the counseling, I also believe you should go out and involve yourself...and take comfort in friends...you may find this hard to believe...but you will overcome this...I think you should cut off all contact with your ex...You'll need time for you to heal yourself..and theres no sense and having her around to rub salt in your wounds..just take it a day at a time...your gonna make it

[simonpeter]

 

Hi Raven,

Sorry to hear of your trials and tribulations, you should read this that I found on this site, it will help it helped me...let go and move on, this life is too short to live like we were living, if you believe in a greater power and yourself, you have got to believe that there has got to be something better.

Take care and I will post more...

SimonPeter

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[alpha128]

Hey, just wanted to welcome you to enotalone.com . I know the feeling man, my ex dumped me about a month ago, and boy it was very hard at first. I still feel angry sometimes thinking about the whole situation, but don't worry, time heals all, and you will come out better than before, you'll see. Just give yourself time to heal, and continue visiting this site. It will help.

Good luck man.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. First off, I believe she really did mean it when she said she really loves you and wants to be with you, but she probably had creeping doubts in her mind about wanting to see what else is out there. The doubts might've gotten stronger and thats when she probably realized it was time to leave.

Of course its very hard when you love someone so much just changes their mind, but she must've had these thoughts for quite some time, people usually don't make these kinds of decisions just out of the blue.

And its totally natural for you to feel so angry at her right now, because she did after all make that decision to leave after what she had told you. But like I said, she most likely did mean it, but those doubts just keep creeping in. You know how you feel so right about something but you have lingering doubts? She probably felt it was time to do something about it before the relationship got any further.

 

I'm sure this decision really is hard on her..of course, because she cares about you, and I can understand how frustrating it is for you to hear that but she's being honest with you and even if it was a hard decision for her to make, she made the right one if she had these doubts.

And you've had the experience of getting "out there" and finding out how hard it is, she needs to experience that for herself as well. Maybe she will find out its not at all what its cracked up to be, and come back. The grass is always greener on the other side, and sometimes people need to go and find out that it really isn't. On the other hand, she might enjoy being single. Everyones experience is different.

 

In order to move on from this, try to keep busy, hang out with friends and do things that you didn't get a chance to do during your relationship. Don't focus on being angry and frustrated at her. Its normal to feel that way, but try to focus your energies on you right now. Nows the chance to do whatever you want before you get into another relationship, whether its with her or someone else.

 

Doing these things will also help you with your loneliness. What helped me for example was hanging out with my friends (who I barely saw while in my relationship), I made new friends, I took walks, went to movies (yes by myself too), went to bookstores and coffee shops, etc..eventually you start to meet new people and make new friends.

 

You might also find out new things about yourself that you enjoy. You are also very smart in not settling for just anyone who comes along.

Rebounds rarely ever work. How long you should remain single is different for everyone. Obviously while you are still very hurt, its best to remain single for as long as you need to heal. The best time to start dating again is when you feel ready to, and you will know when that time is right. Until then you most likely won't even be interested in dating or getting to know someone else. Now if for some reason you meet someone really cool that you might want to get to know, the best way is to be friends with them first, without the notion that it may turn romantic. If you find yourself starting to develop feelings for that person and you want to spend more time with them, then you'll know its right to pursue something more.

 

Theres no easy solution to stop loving someone, God knows I've tried, but unfortunately you can't control feelings or emotions. Time is what you need in order to heal, take time out for yourself. unfortunately theres not a lot you can do to stop the pain except to keep busy and try not to be alone a lot of the time. When people are in a relationship, they are used to being with someone all of the time, and when they break up, they are all of a sudden alone most of the time and its hard for them and it makes the break up even more painful. If you don't feel like going out, go anyways, you will feel a little better, it does help to take the focus off of the pain and on her.

 

Its always hard to trust anyone after an experience like this but trust is earned..and communication is very important.

 

Anyway try these posts by moderator: The Morrigan - she's good

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Happy Heb

[raven1755]

i just want to thank everyone for the kind and helpful words and suggestions. i will definitely be posting more. Because i feel that talking to others who have been there will also help the healing prosses. again, thank you all...

[raven1755]

hi guys just wanted to let u all know im doin better. if u a more detailed update,,,e-mail me or goto link removed and seach for t_cock. thats my nickname and my website. thanks allot for all your advice and support.

 

~T_cock~

 

 

ps Bless~~~