Yet another 'I suspect my boyfriend is gay' problem...

[euphoria224]

I have never been more confused in my entire life. Alright, I'm 16 years old and my boyfriend is 18. We met 9 months ago. He saw me in the cafeteria at school and thought I was beautiful, he didn't know my name or anything but he would skip his class to be in my lunch hour just to see me [yet he didn't say anything to me ever, he's so shy! And I had no idea my soulmate was right there in the cafeteria watching me!]. I was talking to my friend online one night and she said "My friend likes you". I got his screename and started talking to him and we automatically clicked. We talked for hours upon hours, night after night and I can honestly say, he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. He told me about a month later that he'd fallen in love with me and I couldn't be more excited because I'd recently realized that I was in love with him, too. We are planning on marrying and ALWAYS talk about the future and how we can't wait to finally be on our own. Alriiiiiiiight I'll get to my actual problem...

Recently I've grown more and more suspicious that he might be gay.

-He doesn't look at other girls besides me, although he knows that I won't mind because he loves only me, but I also know I'm not the only pretty girl. He says he doesn't because after he met me, he stopped judging other girls.

-He told me tonight that his brother and him never really looked at naked /almost naked women in magazines, they were more "grounded" (What that has to do with looking at women is beyond me.). He said he was disappointed in my answer, which was "why?" (that was before he said they were 'grounded').

- He still doesn't look at the (really nice looking) women when he reads Maxim or FHM. At least not when I'm around.

- He told me once that he just likes clothes, they're 'fun'. (He is a good dresser, not meticulous about colors and textures going together or anything, just makes sure he matches).

-He doesn't mind the least bit going clothes-shopping with me.

- He isn't really afraid to cry in front of me.

- Although we are VERY sexual (We haven't actually had sex yet, because we don't want to deal with possible repercussions), I feel like sometimes he only fingers me as if he feels obligated to (because I often go down on him). He doesn't go down on me though, I'm not sure why. I'm ok with it though I guess, but it'd be nice sometimes. When I made mention to him once that I feel like he feels like he's obligated to and doesn't really enjoy fingering me, he said that if he didn't enjoy it, he wouldn't do as good a job as he tries to (he does a great job).

- Within the first month we met, we started talking about hair, and I made mention that he was the only guy I've ever actually been able to talk to about hair, and I'm pretty sure he took it as me implying that he was gay. I actually asked him if he was, and he said, " I can't believe you're actually asking me that!". He never did say that he wasn't. He just said "Think what you want".

- He got offended one time when he slipped on one of my shoes and I said "You like wearing girl shoes?" (only joking).

- He doesn't think it's all that funny when a guy jokes around like he's gay (my brother-in-law does). But maybe he just doesn't find it funny.

The only things I can think of that justify most of those things is:

- He said that he can show his emotions easily in front of me because he's European (he was born in Britain). "Europeans are more cultured".

- He may get offended about anybody implying that he's gay because a few years after he moved to America, he still had a slight accent and people mistook it as him sounding "gay", so he got called gay and a faggot and whatnot.

- Like I said before, we are VERY sexual.And he always tells me that I am so hot, beautiful, cute, etc. Sometimes in magazines he'll point out underwear and such that he thinks would be really hot on me. He thinks my boobs and my legs and everything are 'perfect'.(My GOD I swear he is so fascinated by my boobs, he loves them). Sometimes while I'm giving him a handjob or something, he tells me that he wishes that he could *edited by moderator* me right then. And him and I both always point out where it would be so much fun to have sex at, and how bad we want to sometimes.

I think those things cover most of why I think those suspicions can be justified, but I really need more peoples' opinions. If worst comes to worst, I'll bring it up to him, but he does get offended easily and God I do NOT want to start an argument. It's really starting to affect my mood lately, it's all I can think about, and when he asks what's wrong, I can't just be like "I've been wondering if you're gay."

I really just don't want this to end up as another Will & Grace. I get afraid that maybe he is gay and is denying it to himself or just doesn't realize it.

I'm sorry that this is soooo long, but it's tearing me apart and I need help. I'd appreciate ANYTHING! Thanks for your time!

[Sk8r55]

...wow, that's long... im sure he's not fully gay. he might just be bi or smething. but some guys just like talking about hair or shopping or whatever. He probably doesn't look at other women because he feels guilty or something when he does. or maybe it's just the way his parents raised him.

[ukguy]

I don't think your boyfriend is gay from what you say. He probably does look at other girls and just says he doesn't in case it upsets you, and the same applies for him not looking at girls in magazines - he may feel you would disapprove of him doing that!

 

That's all i can think to say really, i don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

Good luck in your relationship

[Mar]

I don't think your boyfriend is gay whatsoever, from what you've posted. Why would you think so? The reasons you listed just tell me that he's mature, dedicated to you, and openminded, NOTHING in there suggested homosexual tendencies!

 

You should be flattered that your boyfriend is mature enough to only want you, not offended or upset that he doesn't look at other women! Relax, and enjoy what sounds like a great guy. He's a good dresser, and that makes him gay? Nope, sorry. A lot of guys I know are very fashion-conscious, that's not just a female thing. You said he gets offended about being presumed gay-I would too, if I wasn't and had a girlfriend (if I was a guy).

 

I just re-read your post to see if I missed something in there that you seem to think makes him obviously gay, but I just don't see a single thing that would make me think so. He loves sex, he loves you, he wants to see you in sexy clothing, he gets offended by people presuming he's gay, he's a good dresser, he sticks with you (and trust me, just because you don't see him openly ogling other girls like most crass teenagers do, it doesn't mean he's not looking, he's just a bit more considerate of you and more discreet!) and you only-I think you've got a wonderful guy there, a wonderful HETEROSEXUAL guy, and I'd hate to see you lose that by telling him you think he's gay. I'm not sure why you're so upset by it, but I've known a lot of gay guys, and what you think are "gay" characteristics really aren't-they're the mark of someone who has self-confidence and maturity, and who knows he loves his girlfriend and is secure in that.

 

Mar

[euphoria224]

Thanks you guys, I feel sooo much better!

The only reason that I got kinda weird about him not looking at other girls is that he knows I won't mind, and knows that I OCCASIONALY look at other guys (he says he doesn't care, he understands and it isn't a big deal). I asked him why he doesn't look at other girls and he said "I dunno, it's just me."

Right after I posted all that, I thought about how into cars he is. I mean, he's REALLY into cars. And I haven't known a gay guy that is that infatuated with them. Or maybe I'm just being stereotypical, I don't know. So yeah, thanks again!

 

-kate

[Mar]

Keep in mind-there is NO stereotype for the homosexual man! Every gay man is going to have different views, dfferent opinions, etc., and you can't box that gay man up into a nice, neat tidy package!

[niet]

i reckon he's straight. some guys just like shopping. and some guys (and girls), once they are in a relationship, they dont feel comfortable looking at others. which is stupid, but it happens.

the only suspicious thing is how he's very uptight about homosexuality. it could be because of the accent and school,

but some people who havent figured out their sexual preferences try to deny it so much at first (they are confused, have conflicting thoughts) and they tend to be the most homophobic.

 

but otherwise, i think he's straight.

[theatrebug1]

Your boyfriend is not gay. I came out a couple of months ago. I've had quite a few girlfriends. If your boobs turn him on, I know that he is not gay. Girls' boobs are so uninteresting to me. There is no way he's gay.

good luck!