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Breaking a 15-year friendship... please help!


woebegone

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I will try to make this as short as possible. I've been friends with this girl for almost 15 years, since we were little kids. About 5 years ago things started getting bad. She hung out with bad people, had abusive relationships (which she would sometimes drag me in the middle of), did drugs, etc. Basically I've been trying to get out of this relationship for 5 years, or at least distance myself as much as possible.

 

Fast forward to a week ago, I come home from college and avoid her. She finds out and is really hurt. I tell her how I did not enjoy being in the middle of her abusive relationship last time. At this point I don't see much hope for her (though she does have a new bf now). Well she got upset, said that she was in a much better situation now (I've heard this so many times and have become pretty jaded), called me the c-word and told me to have a nice life. So I said bye.

 

Even though that stung, I had been trying to "break up" with her for a long time now, and I mostly felt relief and even happiness. But as you know a friendship this long is hard to break and I'm starting to feel a little guilt and sadness. I've explained to her on a few occasions how I want her to make better decisions and how that stresses me out. However I'm afraid of how she will be without me. I've always been sort of her rock.

 

Should I just leave her be or try to mend things?

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I went through the same type of thing with my best friend. I left her alone, we never had harsh words, but it was understood that I did not approve of her life style. Fast forward 6years and we are besties again. It just took her a while longer to grow up.

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Even though that stung, I had been trying to "break up" with her for a long time now, and I mostly felt relief and even happiness.

 

Trying to break up with a friend for 5 years or so? I think you need to become a little more assertive.

 

However I'm afraid of how she will be without me. I've always been sort of her rock.
Don't worry - she will likely be fine. Either she finds someone else or she finds that she is capable of standing on her own feet. Also remember, that there is a very fine line between helping someone and enabling their bad behaviour.
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My best friend and I have gone through periods where we were not as close as we are right now. Times when I wasn't living life right or times when she was changing and we grew apart. Again, fast forward to now and I can't imagine my life without her.

 

I think that perhaps you should go meet with her, sit her down and have a very real conversation with her about how much you DO care for her but because of her actions or choices, your life is being affected negatively and you cannot have that. See what she says and then let sleeping dogs lie if it turns into something volitale.

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