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update from my other post , whatever words are bad please change it for me thanks...


giving you guys a update, i had to do it and i wanted to know the truth..and i really need help.


I recorded them when i went to work. Everything was going well on the tape until my boyfriend was getting ready for work. after they both took showers (not together) they started playing around wrestling. Im used to them playing like that and i dont mind because my bf thinks it is fun. What i was hearing is that they where grabbing each others privates after wrestling for a good 15 mins. As i was listening to it had me shaken literary. So the tape goes on and then the worst thing happened. His friend said as they where wrestling "wow, look someone has a boner" then my boyfriend said "this is making me horney". i was so furious with this that i dropped the tape recorder. they continued to talk about that then friend stops and gets on the computer and trying to chat with a girl. (he has been trying to get this girl to call him over the whole morning.) listening to my boyfriends voice it seems he is upset that it ended that way. The boner thing was brought up again later by the friend almost at the end the tape before they left the friend asked "you still have the boner? hehe dont try to hide it (both laugh)"


Right now, i have no idea what to do. there was some silence part of the tape makes me wonder if they where in another room doing stuff...I dont want this guy back in the house and next time he comes over i wont be able to look in his face. Not only that but my boyfriend telling me he loves me now makes me believe he is not telling the truth. it has been two days I have no idea what they are talking about over txt messages etc etc. maybe planning on a later date i dont know... the truth just smacked me upside the face and im hurt....](*,)

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there is never a good time/situation to break up. youll figure out what you guys are gonna do. tell him that youll pay for the next month but that after jan 30th youre out (or he's out and you find a roomie to share bills). just best that you keep thinks civil so you can work out all the stuff you guys have to work out.


or you can confront him about this and see if you guys can work it out.

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you need to do whats best for you, and if that happens to be breakinng up, do it.


dont doubt yourself. it will be hard for a while, but before you know it he will be a distant memory... especially when you find a guy that is respectful to you and your relationship.


you deserve more.

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Hello, read both of your posts and I was shocked.

Fist of all, you really love this guys and you are really mad and jelous, and you know what you were right!


There is no such thing as lets play and wrestle for a while, straight guys so can do it, but men, In my experience (im gay) everytime one of my straight friends starts playing like this I get exited... prove enoght is the boner you bf got.


I will play it cool, relax but keep the antenas up. If you bring up the tape issue to your BF it will create caos and madness. Instead why don't you try a more classy way to sort this thing out.. lemme give some ideas:


1.- Ask your BF is he likes hanging around with this guy, he will probably say yes.

2.- Then tell him the flirting they have going on is making you feel uncomfortable

3.- If he plays the jelous card, just say yes, I am, and that is because love you.

4.- Ask him if he wants to jeopardize your relationship by getting a 3rd person on board, a 3rd person that has the potential to cause a break up between you.

5.- Talk with your heart and listes carefully his responses, if he continues on denial, then you need to make choice.

6.- Your Bf you should be a priority not a comodity, he should be paying more attention to your feeling towards this situation..

7.- If you don't get him to undertand, maybe it's time for an upgrade, maybe this guy does not loves you as much you think or as much as he says, words need to be backed up with action else they mean nothing.


Don't bring up the tape, that's tacky, it was a great strategy to know where you are standing but not a good problem solving tool, if you bring it up my hunch is you will loose him and he'll make you feel like crazy-ass-stalker type- jelous boyfriend, and Im sure you are not, you are just out of control.



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  • 1 month later...

I just wanted to say that I think this is fantastic advice and a very mature, thoughtful way to handle what has happened. It gives him the opportunity to admit to you and himself what is going on.


Having an attraction to someone else, to me, is not a crime. Acting on the attraction when you are already taken is the problem. He obviously is attracted to this guy...does that mean you guys should break up? I don't think it's as black and white as some here have made it. I think that it's fairly easy to make a connection with someone that you probably shouldn't. Heck if you guys weren't together already maybe this new guy is someone your bf could also spend his life with happily...I believe there are lots of fish in the sea and that we can have more than one soulmate! So do I think that getting caught up in an attraction, and denying to himself how much he was attracted is a crime? Not really. But he needs to face up to it now, realize that it's come to the point where he needs to make a choice. If he's not willing to do that then yes, I think you need to move on.


Best to you dearie.

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