Might be breaking up.. :(

[confused_guy84]

Me and my gf started talking tonight about whether or not we're really compatible with each other. We seemed so right for eachother at the start of our relationship, but some very important differences have popped up over time.

 

I guess the main issue is that I'm not ready for marriage yet. I think I want to be married some day. I'm almost 25, i guess this is about when I'm supposed to get married. But for some reason it doesn't seem right. I can't picture myself married. I definitely can't picture myself having a family or being a father. At least not yet. She on the other hand knows that she wants a family. She would like to be married in a year or two, and possibly have children in 3-5 years. I think we've both been trying to sweep this major incompatibility under the rug our entire relationship. I brought it up tonight because I'm really afraid that she's expecting me to change, and I don't know if I ever will. I feel broken. The marriage bug just hasn't hit me, I feel no urgency whatsoever to get married or start a family.

 

We've decided not to make any decisions yet. We're going to take a little time to think. I really don't want to break up. But I had to make it clear to her that I may not change. I don't want marriage now, and I can't say with any certainty whether or not I'll want to in a few years. I'd hate to string her along the whole time only to have her hate me at the end if I decide against marriage.

 

I think we're going to break up. I feel horrible, I can't sleep. I hate to hear her cry. I want to be everything she wants but I don't think I can. And even though it might be for the best, I just feel like crawling into a hole and dieing right now. I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. I've been wrestling with this for quite a while now. I really don't know what to do. What if I do want to get married in a few years and I'm throwing our relationship away because I can't decide now. This sucks.

[rikka]

You are doing the right thing. My boyfriend and I went through a very similar conversation before I decided to move out here. Making certain you are on the same wavelength when it comes to the future is a good thing - there is no point in prolonging the inevitable when there is a huge compatibility issue. This doesn't mean you don't love her, it doesn't mean you don't care for her. You two just want different things, and that is okay. You are being honest with yourself and with her. She now has to make her decision based on the information you have just shared with her.

[valmont77]

There is no right age to get married, so don't feel pressured just because you think it's the right age. If she's putting pressure on you to get married, it might not be because she actually needs to go through with the ritual for the sake of it, but because she might not feel secure in the relationship. Ask yourself whether there is any reason why she might feel that she's wasting her best childbearing years with you. Maybe all she needs is some reassurance from you that you love her and intend to be with her.

 

On the other hand, be honest with yourself. Why are you so afraid of getting married to this girl? Do you really love her? Is it because you want to fool around with other women? What's the deal? Obviously, she's serious about the relationship, if she's talking about marriage and children with you, and feels that you two are not on the same page. You can delay the whole marriage thing only if you substitute it with some genuine reassurance that she's the one for you.

 

Personally, I don't think the 20s are the right time for most people to get married and have children. Just find out if there's something else behind her desire to drag you to the altar.

[Purple Socks]

please! what happened!? My boyfriend and I are going through the same thing right now. Trying to decide if we are worth saving...