Unable to talk / have fun over distance

[arabella]

I just don't know what to do...

 

I have met someone about a year ago and after being together for about 2 months, he had to go away. We have been in a long distance relationships ever since, seeing each other every 2-3 months.

 

I have to say that I am absolutely in love with him. He excites me, is wonderful and loving towards me, and shares many of the same passions that I have.

 

But we have a big problem: communication. Especially on the phone, conversation dies so quickly! Even when I am hopeful and excited when we first call, I become frustrated and unable to cheer myself up after a while. I get bored from our conversation. I find the things he brings up uninteresting and feel that the things that I bring up don't get a good response from him. Things don't turn into a conversation, they stay at the level of statement and one line reaction.

 

I don't think it is completely his fault at all, my frustration must be adding to the problem a lot. But why is it that we can't find things to talk about? How can we get over long silences on the phone? And most importantly, can someone really be good for you if your conversations aren't that great?

[sidehop]

Do you guys talk like 5, 6 hrs a day every single day? I mean at times, when I had a long distance relationship for a long time, the conversation did get boring after awhile. We talked every single day, maybe missed 3 days out of the entire year but it was insane. It really burnt us out talking at least 2 hrs a day and sometimes it felt like we're talking about the same thing over and over...or it becomes a pattern like "how are you, school, work, I love you" and *click*.

 

I'm not sure what kind of things are boring you but maybe you're wanting him to talk about other things? Like his feelings or something that has to do with you?

[abcd1234]

Welcome to eNotAlone arabella!

 

Sidehop is right, if you do talk for a long time then you will, of course, run out of things to talk about eventually. Why not try other forms of communication (such as a letter, email or online conversation) they may help to make things more interesting and also give you more time to think about what you are going to say. Have you considered meeting up sometime, i know it could be a bit of a journey if you are far apart but it would surely be worth it!

 

I hope this helps

[bman]

I was in a long distance relationship for quite awhile. We would talk on the phone for hours day in and day out. If this person shares your passions and interests you shouldn't be searching dead air for something to talk about. Perhaps every now and then but not on a frequent basis. I guess this is probably pretty shitty advice but someone you truly love and share things with should either be a babble-fest or a comfortable silence. It doesn't sound like u have either ????

 

Am I going to hell for saying that ? : }

[lifeinanutshell]

Hiya, welcome!

I can only speak about my own experience. I've been in a LDR for about 3.5 years. I guess we've only been serious for about the last 2 years. Its horrendously expensive to call, so you might think we'd make the most of our minutes..

 

But when I call, often were both just not talking much. This doesn't really bother me because.. I mean I probably should be thinking 'oh dear this is a waste of money with silence' but nah, I am just happy to know I have her attention That she is on the other end of the line right that instant and were both listen to whatever eachother has to say.. even if we say nothing.

 

I wouldn't say we have boring conversation of the phone hehe I guess the want to be together just leaves us with nothing to say. Because we already keep in good contact via txt regularly during every day! So when i call i know the answer to 'how are you' and 'what u done today' already

 

But once we get online for e.g. MSN or IRC (or even when we meet in real life heh) we can easily chat for hours without ever running out of things to say. Normally our conversations draw to a natural close after 2-3 hours as we both go off and do something else like eat, go out or something.

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Or.. perhaps u should mention the silences in your next silence? that would b something to talk about..