I came on too strong

[IrishYankee24]

I came on too strong with this guy who is really shy that I met at work. I thought since he was so shy & seemed interested in me... I should call him and see what happened. We spoke on the phone a few times over two weeks and then I called and left him a voice mail (he did not answer) on a Sunday asking him if he wanted to go to the movies. He never called me back! We only saw each other once since this happened... and he acted weird but cordial... no smiling, seemed uncomfortable, etc. He has not called me since I left the message.

Did I turn him off by coming on too strong or is he just not interested in me? At this point, I feel embarrased. I want to say to him that I just wanted to be "friends" and I am sorry if I offended him. Is that a bad idea.... only continuing the "coming on strong" behavior?! What do you think, I will take any advice... I need it!

 

[kamui]

Hi,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.com,

 

I suppose you could of come on strong when you met him. I suppose that it depends on the shy guy. I mean im shy, i've never had a gf but what i've noticed is that when ever i like someone it always seems to be girls that a far more confident than myself. It does sound odd that he didn't reply to you voice mail, maybe he's been hurt in the past and is still geting over the pain. Or maybe has some personal problems that he thought that he couldn't bring anyone into so he pushed you away so that you wouldn't find out. I think you should take another shot and ask him what's up and why he didn't answer your voice mail but as you said don't come on too strong. Maybe he does like you but has a hard time expressing his emotions (which is similar too me) and it's not that easy to do.

 

Hope this has been of some help to you.

 

-[ kamui ]-

[DiglyD]

Ask him again, and jsut say you think he is cool ,and want to hang out a little. Ask him if he is interested in maybe going to lunch, to talk to him more at work. I guess waht I am trying to say is try to make him feel comfortable around you, but don't pressure him into anything.

 

Its weird I used to extrememly shy, (now I'm like the expreme opposite of it) and being a shy guy I always wished that I would get a nice girl to come up to me instead of me having to be the one who initiated. I think most shy guys would not be scared unless they don't now what to do. Maybe he is putting to much pressure on himself thinking that you expect something from him and he might not be able to deliver because he might be inexperienced in certain areas of dealing with people. Maybe he dosen't date much, or hasn't slept with a girl, or whatever. You just need to let him know that there is no pressure, that you just want to hang out and you find him interesting. Rub hsi ego a little, boost his confidence, stand up for him if you want to.

 

If you think you came on too strong then pull back a little, put a little distance between you 2, create some mystery but also let him know that you are still there if he is interested. Smile, chit chat a little, and ask him again if he wants to go to a move in a few weeks or so, or ask him to a casual lunch. If he is just shy and he likes you he will not forget you. Most likely he will think about you every night to try to figure out wht to do. YOu have to be blunt. Don't just give hints. Say htings as they are, Just give him another opportunity. She guys usually jsut take a little longer to communicate then the average person.

[IrishYankee24]

Thanks for the advice! This has been really bothering me...

 

As far as I know from other co-workers who know him personally- he does not have much experience with women. He is 24 and has only had 3-4 short lived relationships. I guess the last one was a doozy & he got his heart broken... but... that was over 2 years ago!!! He does not have any women friends and he only has a Father and brothers... no Mom or sisters to soften him up-- (I guess the signs you both mentioned are fully present!)

 

I thought I was the queen of getting hurt & dumped but apparently I have not because I would never let it consume me for two years! If that is his reason for holding back with me...

 

[TurboRB]

I think you should give it another shot. If the guy doesn't show any interest blow him off because he's not worth the time IMO.