Verbal Abuse?

[Chillyfrog]

Im not too sure if this is being abused...My boyfriend is always yelling at me, If i talk to him cute he gets pissed, and yells, If I joke around with him he gets pissed and yells. Its like I have to watch what i say, When we walk down the street he stares at other femalles and it really hurts I mean I swear he does all this intentionally...Am i overreacting who is this a sign of abuse

[The Morrigan]

I don't know about abuse per se - but it's certainly thoughless and inconsiderate, and you shouldn't have to tiptoe around his temper wondering what's going to set him off. Does he call you names, put you down, belittle you, or make deliberately hurtful comments? When that's a typical thing, that's abuse - your self esteem will go down the tubes, your nerves get shot, and you'll doubt things you thought you knew about yourself. Don't let it go that far - if it hasn't, and he's basically very touchy, try talking to him. If he even gets angry about that, even when you put it calmly and logically, it might be time to think about why you're staying with him. You can want things to change and be willing to work with him, but unless he sees something wrong with the way he treats you, he's not going to change his behaviour, and love isn't supposed to be used to cause pain to your partner.

[Ingrid]

Yes, it is abuse and yes, you must get away from him. If you were married AND had kids together, then you could consider therapy. If you were married without kids, you should consider divorce. Count your blessings and get away asap.

[cinabun6]

hEY chilly

Im sry that He's such a jerk ....But hey do you seriosly wanna stay with a person that won't even let you talk....Do you really wanna stay with a person who looks at other girls....HE's makin you suffer...THIS IS ABUSE....IN my oppinion this guy is a nobody...How would you like to meet a guy who would hold your hand and only look at you and nobody else....HOw would you like a guy who can joke along with you and not take everything you say to the heart....What if you would never have to watch what your going to say? I think youll be so much happier..I know its tough because even at my age i have passed through that and it wasnt that easy to let him go...BUt im SOOOOOO much happier with my current boyfriend...ok...trust me there is someone better out there ok

GOOD LUCK

[Spee]

Absolutely you are being verbally and emotionally abused. No doubt.

 

There is a book I would recommend, The Verbal Abuse Handbook. It gives all the details. Also, I've included a link and some other info. I hope it helps.

 

Abusers tend to be very manipulative and so it's hard to see the abuse coming. However, the sooner you get out the better. The abuse only escalates. Verbal abuse ALWAYS precedes physical abuse.

 

One more word about abuse. I know it's common, but profanity and course language are also symptoms of abuse. These kind of words devalue human nature. I'm sure what you meant to say was that your boyfriend got angry -- not "p*ssed." If we are to face up to the reality of abuse, we must state the emotions honestly. He got angry. He did not urinate. I know it might seem like nothing nowadays, but we must all work together to prevent verbal abuse -- from others or ourselves.

 

Good luck and GET OUT!!!

 

 

 

 

link removed

[Spee]

Relationships

 

What is a Healthy Relationship?? So many of us ask ourselves that question... So often we are told that what we want and need is "too much." Below is an excerpt from "PERFECT DAUGHTERS" by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.

* You feel you are respected as a person.

* Your physical and emotional needs are met.

* You like the other person and you feel liked by them.

* You are appreciated and not taken for granted.

* You are not afraid to be yourself.

* You can communicate effectively with your partner.

* You can affirm and support one another.

* Trust, trust, trust is everywhere.

* There is a sense of humor and play.

* Responsibilities are shared.

* Your privacy is respected.

* You are not constantly fighting for control.

* You or your partner admit and seek help for your problems.

* You want to spend time together.

* Love is a verb, not a noun.

* You are growing and the relationship is growing.

* You feel good about yourself.

 

 

Are you in a controlling relationship? also from "Perfect Daughters"...

1. When there's a problem in the relationship, he blames you.

2. He sometimes drinks too much and becomes physically or verbally abusive.

3. You know or suspect that he has been involved with other women.

4. He is late or stands you up for appointments or dates.

5. He forbids or criticizes your outside activities or hobbies.

6. He embarrasses you in front of other people.

7. He gets angry when you disagree with him.

8. He accuses you of flirting with other men when you are not.

9. He follows you to check on you.

10. He is critical of the way you look or dress.

11. He insists on driving the car when you go out.

12. He has hit you.

13. He does or says things you never thought you would tolerate.

14. He stops talking to you or withdraws his affection when he wants to win an argument or make a point.

15. He says he needs his "freedom" or "space."

16. He has pushed you or twisted your arm or used some other physical act to make you bend to his will.

17. He doesn't allow you to have a checking account and gives you an allowance to pay the bills.

18. He uses sex to quiet your relationship doubts.

19. He is not interested in your day.

20. He gives you extra money or buys you presents when you have been "good."

21. He calls you a nag or accuses you of stirring up trouble if you want to talk about the problems in the relationship.

22. He never calls you by your real name - he uses a demeaning or derogatory nickname.

23. He doesn't phone when he is going to be late.

24. He wants you around when he is there.

25. He has been arrested at least once.

26. He feels uncomfortable or gets angry with you when you get attention (because of some aspect of your work or special accomplishment).

27. He puts down your accomplishments.

28. He trivializes or makes fun of your feelings.

29. He often says you're too critical.

30. He flirts with other women in front of you.

31. He makes you feel sorry for him.

32. He frightens you with threats.

33. He finds fault with your friends and the people you are close to.

 

According to Karen Blaker if you answered yes to 20 or more you are in a relationship with a VERY controlling male; yes to 12 or more - quite controlling; five or more somewhat controlling..

 

 

YOUR PERSONAL BILL of RIGHTS from "Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them" by Dr. Susan Forward & Joan Torres:

1. You have the right to be treated with respect.

2. You have the right not to take responsibility for anyone else's problems or bad behavior.

3. You have the right to get angry.

4. You have the right to say NO.

5. You have the right to make mistakes.

6. You have the right to have your own feelings, opinions and convictions.

7. You have the right to change your mind or to decide on a different course of action.

8. You have the right to negotiate for change.

9. You have the right to ask for emotional support or help.

10. You have the right to protest unfair treatment or criticism.