best friend & guy friend like each other... but he has g

[enadevoli]

Hopefully I don't confuse anyone...

 

It all started back in 8th grade. I met this guy named Mike & a year later I introduced him to my best friend, Lizzy. Well, Lizzy & Mike liked each other a lot. It didn't bother me cause I didn't like him at all like that. They would always make out, not in front of me, but Lizzy always told me every thing. The only thing that was keeping them from starting a real relationship was Mike. He said he didnt want a girlfriend at that time. Well, Lizzy & Mike still did stuff, but then Mike would get another girlfriend & stop talking to her. However, when him & his girlfriend would break up, he would call her up again & it would all start over. This all ended about sophomore year.

 

Now me & Lizzy are freshman in college. We only see Mike every once in awhile when we go to see our friends local band play. Lizzy realized that she still has feelings for Mike. So, one day after our friends local band played (i wasn't there) she & her friend, Allison (who went with her) decided to invite Mike & his friend that he was with out to eat. So Mike & Josh went with them. I guess they all went to Mike's house & he was flirting a lot with Lizzy & they made out a lot & held hands the whole time.

 

So the whole Lizzy & Mike thing has started up again, the only problem is is that Mike has a girlfriend, which he failed to mention. Lizzy found out because Josh (his friend) told Allison that he had a gf. Lizzy left town the next day & is coming home today. Shes really confused & has been talking to me about this a lot.

 

She likes Mike a lot, but doesn't want to be that "other girl". Shes planning on asking him if he does have a gf when she comes home today. She said that shes going to tell him that she doesn't want to do any thing with him if he does have a gf. She has told me many times that she knows that she shouldn't do any thing with him until he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore, but my only problem is is that she has a hard time controlling what she does. She agrees & she says that its going to be really hard & she just doesn't know if she will be able to puxh him away if he tries any thing. Knowing Mike, hes a jerk who will continue trying with Lizzy despite what she tells him.

 

My question is, does any one have any advice I can give to Lizzy? I have told her a lot that Mike is a jerk who doesnt derserve her & ways to avoid getting into this situation, like just try not to be alone with him & things like that, but the thing is, she REALLY likes him. She can't control herself (well she can, but she doesn't think she can) when it comes to this kind of thing. She just wants attention from a guy she likes, so she will let him treat her badly as long as shes getting some thing from him. Its not that I'm jealous, I hope it doesn't seem that way cause I know hes a jerk. I just don't want Lizzy to be in the middle of this. She thinks that Mike must be "special" because she has liked him for so long. How do I get her to see that he's not special, he a jerk who will just continue to take advantage of her???

[neallo82288]

There's not alot you can do to help your friend. She has a low self-esteem and that is why she is so willing to be walked all over. The best thing you can do is try to make her realize that she is a great person. Telling her may not be enough, got to show her. She needs to realize that whoever she is, is great in this world of unique individuals. You need to help her realize that she has got to work on herself or she will live a life full of these "jerks". That's about all I can think of to help her. Just help her with her confidence and the rest will fall into place.

[S4il]

Well I read your whole post, and it made sense, after the 2nd time...i got side tracked around the part where josh was mentioned....(it was to many names) I'm, somewhat Slow today any ways from last night so excuse me if i don't have the names right. but i think i do

 

First i think Lizzy (your friend) doesn't need or want to be the girl on the side, and I'm sure she realizes this but, perhaps her feelings for him are still strong, (because of the relationships in the past) despite his double dealing ways with women, She hasn't fully accepted the fact that Mike probably wont change, he will continue to use her as a "POA" (piece of...A) which is not right at all..I look at it like this. Mike one day will have what he is doing to her, have done to him..just a matter of time before that happens.

 

 

I think over time Lizzy will wake up, and come to her senses that her and mike have nothing, They did in the past and i think that may be what she is holding onto..We all get the sudden Rush of emotions when we see an EX of ours out and about, a conversations starts, next thing you know you find yourself feeling like how you did when you first meet that person..happens to the best of us.

 

I'm pushing No blame on lizzy's shoulders here, And with that I can't say weather mike will change and want to try to get with lizzy, other than "Friends with benefits" But from what iv 'e read, the story of how he looses a current girlfriend, and uses lizzy as a rebound doesn't look as if that would change.

 

Keep talking to her, You are what a True friend should be..and i give you a A++ for that..Well words and advice are running short, i hope i helped a Little..

[enadevoli]

Thank you both for your great advice. Every thing mentioned is just right. Me being the friend, don't want to see my best friend get hurt by this all over again, but unfortuanatly, she will do what she wants & theres not much I can do. I can't make her not do stuff with him, I can only give her advice. I just feel so bad for her. She doesn't have many guys that she knows of that like her & I do think you are right neallo82288, she doesn't have much self esteem. Shes the type of girl who will make out with random guys she meets (there was one at the mall & another at a library). It just diguists me so much that she would let Mike do this to her. I guess some times people just have to learn the hard way, like she might just have to learn it the hard way that Mike will not change, ever since I can remember hes been this way.

 

Thanks again neallo82288 & S4il for your advice!