Advice desperately needed!!

[girlilove]

This year I'm helping a friend coach a women's hockey team (18+), and one of the players has caught my attention during the short amount of time that we have spent together as a team. She clearly has feelings for me as well. In all the years that I've coached, this has never been an issue before, or maybe I've been oblivious before because this is the oldest age group that I have ever coached. I'm torn between my duties as a coach as well as an authority figure over the players and wanting to start a relationship with this particular player.

 

I would ideally like to use the members of this forum to be a sounding board so that I can gauge your responses to help guide me through this decision.

[just_smile]

hey

first i would like to say welcome to the site.

 

now, i was wondering is it against your duty if you do date someone you are coaching?

 

if it is then i would think whether this relationship would last and whether it would be worth loosing your job over / the conciquences.

 

hope this helps, i would just think where your priorities lie

~LJ =;

[avman]

Well as long as this girl is over 18 I don't see any type of legal problem with this kind of relationship. If she's under 18 forget it. Don't even go there.

 

Where I do see a problem is in the reaction of the other players. How are you going to get around the perception that she receives special treatment because she is in a relationship with you? No matter how hard you try, or whether she is actually receiving preferential treatment or not, that perception is going to be there. Also, how are you going to handle situations where you need to discipline her for not working hard enough, etc...

 

If you do start a relationship with this girl and it goes anywhere, you might consider stepping down as a coach out of fairness to the other players. I can forsee lots of problems with this arrangement.

[The Morrigan]

I agree with avman - there's no real problem if she's over 18 from the one aspect - but from the other, it's much the same as a boss dating an employee. How long is the season? Any way you guys could talk and work out something to not date til after your coaching is completed? Is there another team one of you could switch to, or is it too far into the season? The main trouble I could see is even if the two of you could keep it professional - the other players would be LOOKING for her to get special treatment, and might even read normal FAIR treatment as preferential under the circumstances - and that's something really destructive to a team that has to work together. So I'd see if you can figure a way around it where you wouldn't be coaching her directly, to avoid any problems of that nature before they ever arise.

[Mar]

I agree with everything that Avman and the Morrigan said, and also have to ask how old you are-even if she's of legal age, if you're several years older than her, there might be difficulties in that sort of relationship just due to maturity level. 18-year old girls can be mature, yes, but she still won't have had the experiences you have, if you're quite a bit older. (And no offense intended, I'm simply throwing it out there as a possible obstacle, not knowing your age.) If you do decide you want to pursue this/her, then yes, you'd either have to step down as coach or wait until the season is over, since there will be no "secret" meetings-these things have a way of slipping out all too easily and turned into a "scandal"! Good luck to you!

 

Mar