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What should i do?


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Hi, just new to this forum


So heres the situation.

I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months now, we met each other at uni.

Everything has been sweet since recently. I've found out the her ex, they went out for about a year, right before me. They work together, and first i find out the he calls almost every night except for weekends. We talk so much about this issue, its so frustrating. I insist on meeting him just to see whats going on, and he does not want to meet me. I don't think she even told him we were going out until after 6-7 weeks because she said that 'it just doesn't come up in conversation', how can you talk to someone almost every night and not mention if you have a bf? I just didn't understand that.

So she said she would stop talking to him, about 2-3 weeks ago, well that never happened, she didn't even make an effort to tell him to stop calling, because she thinks it weird to tell him that. She still mentions him so much in everyday conversation with me. She said they didn't go all the way with him, but i found a video on her phone and insisted on playing it....halfway through playing it she grabs the phone off me and deletes it and acts like nothing happened. But i really think it was him and it looked like they did alot more than shes willing to telling. I took the high road and thought that was before me and i shouldn't let it get it to me.

Just a few days ago, we were mucking around and asked her if his still calling her, she says no. So curiously i look through her phone and find all these msgs from him. saying "you turn me on, i like how your * * * * looks", "you missed me? i missed you too....", "something about russian sausage" or whatnot and just before i looked at it, she deleted alot of stuff on her phone. And whats worse is that, a day or two before i went over to her house for a family bbq.

After that, i basically pretty much wanted to out of there, but she forced me to stay and talk about it, she tried to brush it off like it was nothing...but i ain't gonna stay for that. I was just so angry that i said he shouldn't call anymore, and then she starts messaging him. But by reading messages like that, i can only wonder what she talks to him on the phone about and now know why 'having a bf' doesn't come up in conversation. Right now, i really can't trust her and am hardly talking to her. Its like she doesn't know what is right or wrong to do, which is hard for me to understand. She says that she is not being in a relationship that has 'restrictions'.

Its just so hard to trust her now, i don't want to be controlling and insecure and forcing her to do this or not do that. I don't want to become that person who is so negative about relationship.

It is doing my head in so much, it takes me ages going to sleep cuz it just keeps going over and over in my head, all of these stupid scenarios.

Am i a fool to try and forgive and forget, or should i end it?

What should i do?

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hey man I hear your pain. I'm kind of in the same situation you are in now. I'm sure this situation turns you into someone your not. Most of the time you tell yourself over and over what you want to believe. Are you with her everyday? Is there any possibility for her to meet up w/ him? If I where you I would tell her exactly how you feel and your not going to sit around and wait for her to decide what she wants.

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I don't see her everyday...

she works with him and sees him everytime she works...about 2-4 times a week

Once i cancelled plans with her and found out that he came over after work...

she said they were just 'watching tv'....its sus i know

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After reading this i thought of a couple of things

One. You need to stop going through her phone. It's a privacy thing.

Two. Sit her down and ask her if she really is over him. Watch her eyes or watch what she does with her hands. When people lie they sometimes fidget and look at things such as windows or doors to establish exits. A lot of the time, if she's lying she wont look you in the eyes either.


I'm sory but by the sounds of this, i would tell her to sort herself out and not talk, call or see her for a couple of days.

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