i feel relief?? but still can't help but wonder..

[prettyhate]

hey guys suprisingly i am ok i hope it is not numbness its coming up to 1 month this sunday - i re read my diary when i was with him and

all i read was how much i hated myself my looks the anxiety and huge stress his horrible father placed on - about weight /career/where was i going in life

and always an undertone of you do not fit into our wealthy family and its ideals of the ideal girlfriend for our son...

as much as i may have loved and wanted to be with him that family was an enormous burden to bare and they were just horrible on several occasions and i had outsiders say i was not over reacting

my ex would always say i am over reacting

and now i dont have to deal with this - last night i had this massive high swing of moods my house mate who is a mutual friend was like u seem in good spirits and i told him a bit and he totally agreed how degrading they were.. i mean im educated through uni work in a degree related field yes i want more money (who doesnt) is upport myself so what more could i bet

i was not blonde and slender though their whole family are rakes and i do not come from wealth

so whilst im feeling relieved and reminding myself how he cheated and how selfish my ex is i still really cant stop wishing for his life to fall apart for his next to be doomed

thats poor of me i guess but i also cant help but wonder if he will come crawling back it just intrudes on occasion

its only 3 weeks in too and im feeling relief is that abnormal?

i think maybe i was grieving for so long during it

i am not sure i felt let down a lot and a second priority to surfing.. and no matter what he did it was never enough because of the lack of trust...

and its like i had to tell him what to do to be his mother

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH