Anxiety Over a Good Relationship

[Whiplash Girl Child]

I'm 27, he's 30, been together for almost 5 months now.

 

Our relationship is going very well so far.

 

And the fact that it's going so well is starting to make me paranoid. Paranoid that something will go wrong. I feel as if I'm a bit overprotective of our relationship. And if we get into a small tiff (which only happened very few times, maybe 2-3), I go into panic mode. I want everything to stay good as they are.

 

Now, I know that no relationship is perfect. I understand that, I really do.

 

My main problem, though, is that I can't stop myself from being so protective of the relationship, and especially from worrying so much about keeping things as good as they are. In short, I worry a lot about the well-being of our relationship.

 

I ALSO worry that if I keep worrying like this, then I'll unconsciously sabotage my relationship. And I don't want to do that. The LAST thing I want to do is screw things up.

 

How do I get myself to relax? To stop worrying so much about me and him and "us?"

 

In case you're wondering, no, I really don't have any good/valid reason to worry. Like I said, everything with us and between us is GREAT. And that's what's making me worry so much. I just want things to always be as good as they are, and I want to BE with him.

 

Thanks, everyone.

[Roasted Carrots]

My current relationship is sooo similiar to yours!!!! We've been dating for about 7 months and we haven't had a fight yet. I talked to him about it. It unnerves me that we've gone this long without any major tiffs/battles/disagreements or anything.

 

What was your last relationship like? For me, at least, they way my last relationship was, the way my ex and I faught and the way he ended it made me super paranoid.

 

Especially about the fighting! Whenever I find that I've had a bad day and I'm venting and I realize I'm yelling, I immediately apoligize. My boyfriend, at the beginning of our relationship, almost had to "reprogram" me not to say "i'm sorry" after every little thing!

 

The best advice I can give you is try to analzye WHY you are paranoid and get it out in the open. Explain to him why you're so paranoid. You have a good thing going and yes, you can ruin it by being paranoid. If he's a keeper he'll reassure you that when something does go wrong (because like you said, nothing's perfect) that he'll work with you to find a solution. Just realize you have a good thing and you'll work for it once the problems crop up.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

Thanks, your post made me feel a bit better.

 

Yes, my past (6-yr.) relationship ended badly. For the last 2 mos. of the relationship, we were fighting on a nearly daily basis, for no particular/important reasons other than that I was completely miserable with him. He also had a way of convincing me throughout our WHOLE relationship that everything was my fault, that I was the one with the serious flaws, etc.

 

So maybe I am a bit insecure because of that, and was programed (by my ex) to truly believe that every single mishap that happens is a result of my own words/actions. I, too, am very apologetic with my new boyfriend. I realize this, and I know I need to change it.

 

You said that: "If he's a keeper he'll reassure you that when something does go wrong (because like you said, nothing's perfect) that he'll work with you to find a solution."

 

He does reassure me. He's told me, "baby, things like this will come up once in a while, it's like that in all relationships, it's normal." Or "It's OK, at this stage in the relationship, we're still learning about each other, still feeling each other out."

 

He knows that I worry, he knows that I get upset when little things happen, and he's very reassuring and comforting when it happens. I know, though, that I can't keep up with this behavior and expect him to always be willing and ready to comfort me. It gets old.

 

You also said that: "You have a good thing going and yes, you can ruin it by being paranoid."

 

Thank you for confirming that for me. The fact that someone else agrees with me on that makes it all the more real for me.

 

I need to get my butt in gear and stop thinking of things. Focus on the moment, enjoy the day, etc.

 

Thanks for your insight.

[Roasted Carrots]

Glad I could help! Yes, having that sort of relationship for 6 years could take it's toll on you.

 

I'm glad you found someone as unconditional as he is. You're right, it will probably get old after awhile, so kudos to you for trying to change yourself for the better!!!

 

It won't happen overnight. It takes time to tear down years of thinking everything is your fault.

 

Good luck!

[Whiplash Girl Child]

bump. more insight would be appreciated!

[Whiplash Girl Child]

anyoneeeeeee??????? lol

[Excalibur]

If you're being true to your character and convictions, and the same with hiim - wht you enjoy might evolve and grow - but change is the only constant, things don't remain the same.

 

If one of you, or both, are putting on an act as to who you are, waht you prioritize and believe, infatuation is going to end at some point...and reality will set in.

[Angel_325]

I think you should be happy you have a good relationship. I've known my boyfriend for almost 6 months and we've already had a couple of fights, even one big one where we haven't talked to each other. If you are being honest as to who you are and so is he, you have what many people are looking for. You guys might be very compatible and so there is very little that you would fight about. But things don't stay perfect. Eventually you will have a fight, big or small, but that doesn't mean things wil end. You can learn from every experience.

[Karibo]

I am going trough the exact same situation. Basically I know that Ijust need to stop with the paranoia otherwise it will eventually ruin things. I just need to fill up my life with other things like i used to so that i don't need to worry so much and centre everything around the relationship.

[Polarbear00]

Wow, I see a number of similarities in the OP post and the current situation w/my currently and hopefully only temp off/ex gf.... I dont know why I didnt post in hegr sooner since I linked to it in my original post... Id love any other feedback anyone might be able to share...

 

 

Stick to really only my main post in that thread... I made some others that were purely driven by emotion/shock and made with my mind just racing w/out actually stopping to think about it...

[uncomfynumb]

Try using thought stopping techniques when you start worrying. And you are right, you will ruin things if you let your mind take over and not try and control your thoughts.