no contact rule.

[crinklecat]

Okay, sometimes I aint the brightest... I havent had many experiences with breakups, and I struggle with this supposed no contact rule.

 

Can someone please explain to me what it is, and why?

 

 

 

thanks

[avman]

You are in luck. The Morrigan just posted a wonderful essay on this very subject. Have a look at this:

link removed

 

There are some fabulous tidbits of information to help you.

[JaimeNLuv]

I was explained in depth about the cat and mouse game and it is true..... the mouse gets scared into its hole and won't come out until the cat is gone. Vice versa and it is true. You will drive them insane when you cut off contact with that person.

[crinklecat]

so what happens if the mouse found another mousehole? Should I forget it?

[avman]

Usually that signifies the end of any chance of rekindling the relationship. If your ex has found another and now can fill their time with that person then they will not be missing you.

 

In this case, yes I think I'd forget it and move on. There is still a slight chance of reconciliation but its really slight.

[crinklecat]

how can guys do this? just move on to someone else withou\t batting an eyelash?

 

I'm more upset of the mdemise of the friendship, cause the email made it pretty clear the he wouldnt be contacting me again.. what gives?

[avman]

how can guys do this? just move on to someone else withou\t batting an eyelash?

Um, I hate to tell you this but women can do this too.

 

The one who initiates the breakup has the advantage of time. That person has probably been considering the breakup for far longer than the dumped person realizes. It may SEEM like they dropped you without a second thought, but that is usually not the case.

[vfunkera]

No contact. I thought it meant just not conatcting them. It also means avoiding them. Not talking to them or not laying eyes on them for as long as it takes until you have healed and can be only friends with them with out the 'pain' inside.

 

I found some very good points on why not to make contact-

 

1. if your ex is doing "no contact", then you would'nt be sweating those digits if they were calling you. When people love us, we love them. When people stay away from us, we stay away from them. I don't want to be where I'm not wanted..do you?

 

2. Begging and Pleading doesn't work. If it did you wouldn't be here. So try something different.

 

3. By calling, you're just asking for a panic attack. I've read on here of people who have given in and called or e-mailed and were completely slapped in the face or ignored by their ex. Then they're back to square one, feeling as bad as they did the day they got dumped. And if you are "lucky" enough to be given an ambiguous response, you're given a tiny piece of string to hold onto while they continue to go out and have fun...without you. It's NOT worth it.

 

4. What about you? Don't you deserve to be called and missed? Your ex wasn't the only one in the relationship, and you shouldn't be the only one calling. They knows your number/e-mail. It's not fair to have a one-sided communication. Invest that time and energy into yourself. Go clothes shopping, buy a new cologne.

 

5. You won't be able to move on if you're still holding on to old ghosts. I say old ghosts because they aren't there anymore. They moved on. They need to get out and see the world for now but when the realizes the grass isnt always greener, they will call. Just give it time and let them make all the moves. If they really love you and see's that you're better than the rest out there, then they'll be back. But if they dont, you'll find another person that will.

 

6. They can only miss you if you are not in the picture. Let them realize what they lost. It may take time.

 

7. God loves you. He doesn't want to see you suffer. But God teaches us that sometimes we have some hard LESSONS to learn. So let go of the phones and forget the e-mailing's. Instead make a self-emprovement plan and see it through. When you start establishing goals and accomplishing them, you will prove to the most IMPORTANT PERSON YOU KNOW that you have really grown up.

 

Hope that cleared a few things up.

[crinklecat]

that is straight up and great. I LOVE it!!!