Argh this is frustrating

[CrashTestDummy]

My dad is this really stingy man, like REALLY stingy beyond belief... One time my friend grabbed a water bottle from my garage and he got pissed off at him.

 

Now we're not a poor family, I'd say we're above the middle class just by a bit but something about my dad and how he always has to be stingy really pisses me off (he also has a really bad temper and is unbelievably unreasonable)... like beyond belief.

 

Today it was nearly 100 degrees outside and inside the house it's getting close to 90 degrees. I asked him if I could turn on the air conditioning because we have it and its boiling hot inside. He said no and started lecturing me about how I always think about my own comfort and not others. I don't understand how that's related... its 90 degrees inside the house and we have air conditioning, why not use it?

 

Anyways, as he continued on he somehow got into talking about the recent Earthquake that happened in China and started comparing me to them and it just pissed me off because he just totally ignored what I had to say.

 

It almost sounded like he was blaming me for the thousands who have died in China.

 

Argh this is just a rant and I am freakin' frustrated with him because I am seriously a tool to him, not a son. He only brags about me at his job and nothing else. He never cares about how I feel, he never cares about my own well-being, only himself.

 

And everytime I screw up in school he always asks me "How would that make me look in front of others?". It really really pisses me off because I feel like I am a trophy to him.

 

It's really frustrating, I've never had a strong male figure in my life. He's never talked about anything to me about a boy's life. Girls, growing up, sex, drugs, nothing. I had to learn it all through my friends and I never felt connected to my dad. It really frustrates me and sometimes I think race has a lot to do with it since he's really old-school Asian.

 

Still I've seen other asians have great relationships with their parents but I'm just frustrated...

 

Sorry... didn't expect to rant that long...

[Clementine orange]

I know it's tough sometimes with parents, but often the kids don't realize the pressure that a parent can be under. After all they are human too. The minute I "got it" they my parents were same as me or anybody (except with 25 extra years of walking around this planet with life in general kicking the crap out of them all the time) then things got a little better.

 

It's a tough world out there and parents are human, they make mistakes, sometimes they don't realize the effect that their actions or words have on their kids...likely their parents (your grandparents) did the same thing to them. It's that generation gap thing.

 

Try to find something that you and your dad can sort of bond over - sports or a TV show or something. How about taking up your dad's stingy habit?

 

And hang in there! It'll get better as you get older.

 

I don't know anything about the Asian side of things, but if he's an immigrant then I bet he's had a tough life - maybe he envies that you have it so "easy".

Just guessing you guys are in the west, sorry if that's not the case.

[CrashTestDummy]

We're in the west yeah, and yes I know he's had a tough life. He lived through the Chinese Cultural Revolution, a really hard time for the Asians.

 

And there is also a large age gap between us, that may be a factor. He's over 40 years older than me, and I'm not accustomed to American parenting as you can probably tell, but there's sort of a fear-factor between me and him. I'm scared of him and he's scared of me at times.

 

And no I do not like stingyness. I am a very generous person myself and I very often find myself donating to charity or helping out others unlike my dad. He on the other hand would argue over a few cents worth while I find that its not really worth the time or effort to fuss over.

 

I'm guessing its since I was born in America and grew up here while he was born and raised in China.

 

I don't know, I really want to find the root to this problem so I can kinda fix it. I sometimes can't stand being in the same room with my dad

[bpsekh]

my dad's a cheap old guy too. He won't even buy garlic if it's too expensive.

 

As a kid, I felt that every time he gave me a "character building exercise" (what he called shovelling the walkway or cutting the grass), he saved a couple hundred bucks.