I did it!

[maybeoneday]

I had planned to tell her on Sunday that I couldn't be the other woman now that I knew about her new partner. But during a phone call this morning it all became so clear to me and I told her.

 

I was really calm and just told her that although I did love her I couldn't do to her new partner what had been done to me. I wasn't prepared to be the other women! I was sorry that she was confused and didn't know what she wanted but that I had to step back and respect her new relationship.

 

She is still going to come over this weekend to see my son as planned and you know what? That's ok, I can deal with it. I will be friendly but slightly distanced and will just enable them to have a great time together.

 

I reassured her that she can carry on seeing my son every other weekend but no more over nights unless it is a special occasion for him - i.e just before Christmas and his birthday.

 

Just reading this site has made so much very clear to me. If she truly wants to be with me then she will end her relationship and come to me. I will not wait around though even though I love her. I will carry on getting on with my life.

[Addicus]

Awesome! Good for you! It often takes people a long time to come to this point and some never do! Setting a boundary is very healthy and very needed. It makes thinks very clear without having to try and read minds or rad between the lines. YOU should be very proud of yourself. I think it is very brave to allow her to see your son, I kow that you consider that very important, but you have made things very clear. How did she react?

[tigerguy]

That's awesome for you! How did you get to that point to be okay with it? I am in a similar situation where I may become the other guy. I have a wonderful friend but just a few days ago he told me about a new friend he met and that while he doesn't 'like' this person yet, if he kept talking he thought he could. It was at this point I realized how I really felt about him. We would probably never move beyond great friends and I have always known this, but my intense feelings were a surprise to me and now I need to deal with it. I haven't said anything to him yet but I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few days and reading this forum and trying to figure out what I need to do.