19ReallyHurting Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 For Saftey im editing this......................................... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Okay, you messed up big time and now she is fed up. I gather she is going to Toronto for school in September. I think you should back off. If you can't be her friend, if it is too painful, then I would suggest you initiate NC. Long distance relationships can work but it doesn't sound like she wants anything more with you at this point. Maybe she just wants to be single so that when she attends school she has left her options open to meet other guys. The only thing you can do at this point is accept that the relationship is over..I think it would be easier on you if you tell her that you can't be her friend because you wanted more than that...and then leave her be. If she is going away for four years, you may as well get used to her not being a part of your life now. At least she broke up with you now rather than waiting until August. Just move on with your life and learn from your mistakes. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 I know ... its just hard because I love her I know she cares for me and misses me she messages me every 2 days and msges meo n msn a lot if i dont talk on msn she will text me. Even yesterday she texted me to say goodnight. I know I made a mistake but I really want to improve on it. I just feel so down, Im her first shes my first. I know we can make this work.. I made a mistake..... Also, she keeps messaging me which I love haha. But she told yesterday " she said " I have told u everything i said right now the decision is no, just listen to me for once and be my friend" .. I want to be her friend I really care about her so much. I want to be her romantic partner... But I dont mind fixing it first, i just want to fix it Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I would really strongly suggest you back away from her. She doesn't want a relationship with you but she wants to use you as a crutch so that she slowly weans herself off of you by the time she moves away. She needs to find out what life is like without you...you need to cut her off completely. Tell her this is too painful and you can't just be her friend...if she wants to be romantic partners again then that is good, but if not, you need space to heal. As painful as it is to go No Contact and not talk to her, in the long run it is better for your emotional well-being. Right now you are going around in circles and dependent on hearing from her...she is leaving in September...better to cut things off completely now. Let her really experience life without you. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Alright so im gonna consider that for sure. Just keep in mind im the one that messed up and didnt show love and care till the end. But I feel if i let her go and not keep much contact i'll lose her. Shes going through hard times , is she using me for just emotional support without the physical part? she txts me every 2 days sayin " hows things"... if i leave her alone do u think she will change her mind 7 months is a long time we have a years history and she knows i love her... sorry just confused. Im one of her close ppl. Sorry i dont wanna bug u much, Its just I feel strong hope. She doesnt like a lot of guys. I want to do that LDR with her but its hard. Ive been justcrying and being emotional this month. Starting tomorrow im gonna try a new approach. continue on with life. she'll call me i'll answer occasionally. She seems to message me a LOT. I told her all i can as well. If i break of contact for a bit will that help? we havent had tiem apart? during the break i couldnt give space i was to emotional. I just feel in my heart it can work. She just doesnt want to get hurt again. She said if i love her i'll let it go. SHe weont let me bring up the relationship. I phoned her yesterday telling her i wont call her for a week.. but i broke that. She said take all the time i need. But that doesnt seem to good... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 You may have messed up but you are willing to make amends and she is not interested...now she is using you. Don't allow yourself to be used. Two wrongs don't make a right. Give her what she says she wants...let it go...but also let her go. You both need time apart to reflect on things. If it is meant to be you will come together again but only after the two of you have had time alone to think about what the relationship means to each of you. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 ok i'll do that but she messages me like every day infact i told her to call me today and she said sure. i'll act busy. But yeah i'll keep my reserve. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 She did put up with a lot... so i do understand i just have hope. but if i keep acting like this im gonna push her further. just worried cuuz i wanna make it work b4 september she said her feelings are gone but not completely. i cant just be her lil dog. She also said i can have the time away form her i dont see how this will benefit ? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Don't put pressure to make it work before September. If it is true love then you just have to let it take its natural course. If you have this deadline of September you will drive yourself crazy if things don't move as quickly as you would like. You have to back off from her and she also needs to back off from you...both of you need time and space to reflect. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Alright I told her yesterday Im going to let it go havent called he for 2 days usually she calls. I think its good we have our space lets us reflect. Thanks for the advice im going to take it. Im just worried about the fact I cried this whole month and begged and just got emotional. I was needy for a month now im better. Hope it didnt wreck things. She said if i love her then it wont matter whos shes with, if shes happy. So i'll leave it at that.. I hope things work out one day... I really eb Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 Alright I told her yesterday Im going to let it go havent called he for 2 days usually she calls. I think its good we have our space lets us reflect. Thanks for the advice im going to take it. Im just worried about the fact I cried this whole month and begged and just got emotional. I was needy for a month now im better. Hope it didnt wreck things. She said if i love her then it wont matter whos shes with, if shes happy. So i'll leave it at that.. I hope things work out one day... I really BELIEVE. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 I'm really trying to let her go. Just worried cuz i'll be 25 .. As messed up as this sounds I really want to be with her. I did mess up. But im not going to bring it up. I will say something 2 her in 7 months b4 she goes. Cuz that could be it. But I really have a strong feeling about us getting back. She said she doesnt know right now. She said i cant expect an answer now. But for now its a "No". Im not just trying to get her back, im sayin in the future if it works i'll truly be myself and be a great boyfriend. I just hope in 4 years... we'll get back together. ITs going to KILL when she has another boyfriend. I dont like a lotta gurls , but yah she was the first. I know there are many more. but if i let it go... hope she will think. She hasnt called me, longest time she hasnt called 2 days. She never even txt'. She usually txts to see whats up/... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 4 years is a long time...by that time you might be the one who will have met someone new and will no longer have an interest in your ex. Start getting involved in your own life and stop focusing on her. If she is leaving in 7 months she should be the one contacting you..especially since she broke up with you. As far as you are concerned, she should not exist at this point. She doesn't want to be with you so wipe her out of your life...she is a speck of dust that you are wiping away. You have no choice...you have to move on. Even if she gets another boyfriend, it is not the end of the world...you still have you...your life continues...she is not your reason for living, she is not the be all and end all of your world...if she considers you dispensable then consider her in the same light. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 I just remembered I told her a few days back that I need time away from her so I can move on she said take all the time you want. She tells her friends she misses me. I miss her so mcuch but im holding back by not calling her. Keep in mind were use to talkin ortexting EVERYDAY. its been a month. a few days back and I havent made any contact. Do this heal, and rise her curiosities? I told her i'll be her friend and show her who I really am. I said the fact I hurt you is my responsibility and I take full responsibility. Its just weird because she usually txts me. Im planning on not making contact. Why did she say just listen to me once and be my friend. I dont get why she cant say no forever. She said right now its a now it could change. I realise shes fed up but how doe feelings come back?? will not contactin help? been 3 days never went thing long... i just dont want her to think i dnt care she said she lost them for now Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 No contact will help YOU move on with your life without sitting there analyzing ever little thing that was said in a conversation, email or text. It will give you more peace of mind than worrying about why it is taking her so long to respond back or why she said something a certain way. Your mind will no longer be caught up in the minutist details and thereforeee you will be much more at ease. If she ultimately wants to be with you, no contact won't stop her..she will make an honest effort to reconcile. You have no control over how she will react or behave...you can only control yourself and your actions. No contact is to get you back on track within yourself so that you are no longer in a state of panic over what is going on between you and her. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 Hey plz dont get mad at me... lol. Its hard for me to get over her... Shes going to lunch with other guys. I asked her to lunch and she said yah but when i found out she going with our friends I said nah, then i was in a rush and i said i gotta go and she said oh why what are u doin in a cute voice? iu said studyin... U dont understand i want a miracle.. to happen... She txt me this morning sayin she was scared and couldnt get sleep in the morning. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Forget about the cutesy voices and the needy phone calls from her...they don't mean anything if there is no declaration from her of getting back together. If you read too much into her lame contacts, you will continue to hope and then get frustrated when she doesn't want the full-fledged relationship. She just wants you as a crutch right now...that won't help your healing process. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 Wow I honestly give up... She called today... in the morning to say hi and we talked. I said i miss her thats all i said and she paused and i said whats wrong she said please stop it, its not making me feel better. I said ok. But thats just how i felt! Im really not going to make contact unless she does, i cant stoop any lower.. Its just things dont look too good lol. Im the type of believer that thing can work out Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Why does she keep calling you? It is making you feel worse when she does because you open your heart to her and she trounces on it. For your own healing I strongly suggest you tell her not to contact you anymore...if she finds that you saying you miss her is difficult, let her find out what not having you in her life feels like. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 Well I called her cuz she text me, but she calls too. She said I can take all the space I want. But I'm just going to slowly stop calling. stop texting. wait for her to initiate contact. i just dont get why she said when I tell her genuninely I miss her , she said "its not making things better" waht does she mean? I also told her i'd wait for her for 4 years till shes back and she said "why would u tell me that? 4 years is a long time" i dont kno im trying to to analyze but honestly, do u think theres no chance? I dnt wana have to try so hard. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Don't try so hard...and don't overanalyze her words..the bottom line is that she doesn't want to be with you and she already knows that you are gutted by this...there is no need for you to continue to remind her of this. Take a step back, take back your dignity and self-esteem and walk away from her...tell her in order to heal that you need absolute no contact from her. It is only through no contact will you get yourself back and you will wonder why you kept chasing after someone who broke up with you. If she wants you then let her come to you with a request for reconciliation...not just wanting the option of having you around, no strings attached. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 Trust me on this one tho eh, I really am letting go slowly but surely. I just hope she comes back just worried cuz she gave me so many chances... but yeah nothing really I can do. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 Trust me on this one tho eh, I really am letting go slowly but surely. I just hope she comes back just worried cuz she gave me so many chances... but yeah nothing really I can do. I just wish things will change im in such a messed situation cause shes leaving to toronto. I told her if were single in 4 years we can try again and she said id be lucky if she was single. Why is me telling her I miss her a bad thing? she got all sad a said ur making in harder Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Trust me on this one tho eh, I really am letting go slowly but surely. I just hope she comes back just worried cuz she gave me so many chances... but yeah nothing really I can do. I just wish things will change im in such a messed situation cause shes leaving to toronto. I told her if were single in 4 years we can try again and she said id be lucky if she was single. Why is me telling her I miss her a bad thing? she got all sad a said ur making in harder She is really sending you a clear message that it is over..and that she is just using you until she leaves for Toronto. Do you really want to be used in such a way? You tried to make amends for all your wrongdoings and her heart is unmoved...she is looking ahead to Toronto and meeting all kinds of guys there. Her words about you making it more difficult mean that she feels guilty...nothing more. If she really wanted it to work she would tell you...moving to Toronto wouldn't be an obstacle if she really wanted things to work out. It sounds to me that her move represents a new beginning and new opportunities to meet men. Like I said before, you would be better off cutting her out of your life now so that you don't get used as a crutch until she is ready to leave. Link to comment
19ReallyHurting Posted February 23, 2008 Author Share Posted February 23, 2008 Alright enough is enough. I'll think of it as "her" loss. I mean I can only express so much. Fair enough, i'll face my situation. I'm not going to call her muchand if she calls i'll casual talk, im gettin to the point where im lower myself esteem and manly hood. Time to bring back my ego and my self. Its been a long month. Thanks for all the support I really appreaciate and want to thank you. Ive just given her so much ATTENTION!! SO MUCH. i'll stop it now, she cant have the joys of me fully, shes not my girlfriend, i'll save that for that special someone. It gets me mad because guys who are willing to work at their faults dont get the girl , but guys who cheat on women, the women come running back (in some cases) not sayin i'd cheat, thats horrible. But yeah let it go... i'll think of it as "HER" LOSS. I tried so hard in the end Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.