How do you deal with a LDR on V-Day???

[ShelB64]

It's Valentines Day today and the man in my life, my soul mate, and the only man I've really ever loved, lives in Germany. He is there getting his business off the ground and trying to make enough money to move here to the US so we can be together.

 

I live here with my two children and have a very successful career and cannot, of course, move there. We don't yet want to make the move to get married (I am divorced), but we do want to live together. We did live together for a couple of months after we met by chance after I was returning from vacation when I met him in NYC. Those were the two happiest months of my life.

 

I am desperately lonely without him. I talked to him yesterday and will talk with him again tomorrow, but I have been crying all morning as I just don't want to go through the day without him. Anyone else out there get literally physically sick from missing someone so much?

 

What do you do when you're in a relationship like this? Any advice? I don't have any close female friends to go out with.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Me and my bf send each other letters once a month. We also sent each other valentine's day presents. I don't really have a hard time with the LDR but he has had some really bad times with it. The best thing is to just take it one chunk at a time. Think about the next time you'll see him and work towards that.

 

Unfortunately, one of you has to make a sacrifice in order to make this work. Maybe not now, but someday...

[dancinggal]

We have postponed it: when he gets here, I'm going to spoil him like crazy.

 

There is no easy way to deal with a long distance relationship, and it hurts like you wouldn't believe most of the time. I know what you are going through, when my boy first left, every day was so hard, I cried myself to sleep, going out with friends was really hard, I just didn't want to do anything. But I got over it eventually, I guess time makes things easier to deal with. I won't say I have a fool proof way to make you stop missing him and make the pain go away, but my suggestion is to keep busy (you sound like you are anyway) and also find new interests (or revisit old ones). I dance every day now, I read every night before I go to bed. I visit muesums and galleries and take myself out to the movies or to coffee with a good book. I concentrate on myself, and it feels good to do that. I also got a puppy, and I love cuddling up with her in front of the TV (but I guess you have kids, so you have something to be loving and affectionate towards). Relish in the things you might not get when he gets here. I love eating out of the saucepan sometimes instead of bothering with a plate, or eating Tim Tams and watch reruns of Sex and the City over and over again. Just, things that he wouldn't really be into, but I love doing. Have a good time by yourself, and the time will fly (I can't believe its only 2 months now!)

[ShelB64]

Thanks! You are right. There are quite a few things we DON'T share in common, and I am going to take this opportunity to enjoy those things fully! I really look forward to our next time together, but I also treasure my time alone and doing things with my girls that are difficult to do when my man is around.

 

Thanks so much. I'm feeling better now! (The glass of wine also helped a bit - LOL) Cheers.

[dancinggal]

Yay! I am useful! Lol.

[ShelB64]

So, I have some good news! First, I survived V-day just fine! I wrote some on my novel and I had a nice glass of wine, and I just had a good time and was thankful for all the things I DO have. After reading some of the posts on this board, I am quite fortunate.

 

Second, I spoke to him this evening. At first, we had a little bit of an argument, but we cleared the air about a lot of things and we actually set a plan that he will either visit me or I will come to Germany in no less than six months! Also, he really wants us to be committed to each other. I am so happy just knowing he is there and wants to work on tihs relationship as much as I do. We both realize it will be hard, but it is worth it.

 

I still have a lot of questions, as I'm sure everyone does who is in a relationship like this, but I am happy and just taking it one day at a time. I am happy and in love!