My ex and me

[Mr SIBLEY]

After the NC my ex eventually contacted me through friends and said how sorry she was for cheating. I told her I couldn't forgive her for it, which she said she knew. Anyway we got talking (via Instant Messenger) and because she has problems sleeping I offered to talk to her on the phone until she could sleep and she said yes.

We ended up talking about our past relationship (yet she kept bringing sexual intercourse) and eventually she went to sleep.

 

I'm not sure if this was a good idea but I know that I feel strange now.

[blgbird]

Don't do it, it's a terrible idea. My ex and I were in the same situation ,she cheated on me while she was on a middle school reunion...i know..who does that. After trying to make it work, i realised she couldn't win my trust and ended it. After a couple of weeks of no-contact, she called me and we pretty much started doing what you're doing right now and it led to us just hooking up randomly every weekend..and even though we agreed it was just physical and no emotional attachment..we were being naive. She kept thinking we were kinda back together and expected me to act like it and I felt the same way where i would be upset when i would see her with other guys at bars...anyway one day, i found out through my best friend, who dates her best friend, that she had hooked up with somebody and lied to me about it...and i realized i couldn't go through this again...and i ended everything, including contact...so my point being, unless you intend to go back with her...stop the contact, until you're completely over her..so you won't have to go through an emotional roller coaster..that's my unnecassrily long two-cents...hope it helps you out buddy

[Mr SIBLEY]

Acyually that does help. I still have extremely strong feelings for her (but sometimes wonder if it is physical), but I don't think I could see her with someone else. It was always a big fear of mine. Did it feel like she cheated again? Because I couldn't do that again.

[ftheunion]

Don't dwell on the intercourse. It bonds people in the head.

 

 

Don't contact her unless she does you................but if she keeps doing it, maybe give it another go. That is provided you want to, and there is no other guys in the picture.

 

But it is the other-centered thing to do. Staying hurt and denying her sleep (not your fault) is kinda selfish. So I think you handled it well.

 

Even if you go to her house and hold her until she goes to sleep, you can be the bigger person and abstain from sleeping with her.

[Nixee]

It sounds like she is using you as comfort to help her get past her own pain and guilt. Your forgiveness is her closure, and your willingness to become sexual would be like her having her cake and eating it too.

 

It is good that she wanted to apologize, and I think it is good to forgive, but don't let her in too much too soon.

[danlc95]

Acyually that does help. I still have extremely strong feelings for her (but sometimes wonder if it is physical), but I don't think I could see her with someone else. It was always a big fear of mine. Did it feel like she cheated again? Because I couldn't do that again.

 

Don't see her with someone else. Get that out of your head.

 

I remember a quote from the movie Tombstone, where Wyatt Earp says:

"I already have a guity concience, migh as well have the money to go with it."

 

Towards the "end" of my relationship I became more insecure, more suspicious, and more accusitory of my girl, that she ended up hanging out with her "friend" from work, alot after we separated. I even heard that they are dating (which she never told me). The point is this: why would she want to spend time with me if I was constantly being un-pleasant to be with? I feel like I helped create this situation. Now she's acting like she wants to reconcile because I've given her time, and space, and whenever we interact, the time is positive. I know that when we get back together we will be a stronger couple and I will learn to be more trusting.

 

Another thing to keep into account is that every situation is unique, because no two people are alike. Use your head, NOT your heart.

 

Good Luck!

[Mr SIBLEY]

She just rang and said

 

"I need to time to think about things"

"I'll contact you when I can"

"Sorry"

 

Made me confused. Does this mean she wants to be alone. Or is she just messing with me?

[blgbird]

Hey Mr. Sibley,

I m gonna try to answer your questions but as somebody before mentioned every relationship is different and you're gonna have to figure things out for yourself..but it won't hurt to hear other people's objective perspectives as emotions can cloud your judgment. anyway, about your question..seeing her with somebody else and learning about her hooking up with somebody else right after our break up did feel like she cheated on me again...but even though it hurt again..it actually helped in the long run as it made me realize what was important to me, and that was trust. I have had girlfriends where they would dance with other guys right in front of me and i wouldn't have a worry in my head as i knew i could trust them completely, but once cheating was involved in this relationship, trust went out the window and i freaked out at everything...her talking to another guy, her looking at another guy..it kind of was out of control on my part...and i realized there was a better relationship out there for me...and the best thing i could do was decide to end it and have nc with her until i was over her and couldn't get sucked back in...i know it's hard but it's the best thing i have done so far for myself.