SERIOUSLY CONFUSED..open to anything!!!

[wishful]

Friday...4 days ago...my boyfriend broke up with me. My boyfriend of two and a half years. He claimed he wanted to be free and "sew his oats". Now...he had all, I mean ALL, the FREEDOM in the world in our relationship. If he wanted to go to the bar 2-3 nites a week I didn't object, if he wanted to break dinner plans I let him...now I know this can be confused with me being his "doormat" but I think the only freedom he means is the freedom to sleep with whomever, wherever, whenever. I could be wrong...I could be overreacting but "SEW YOUR OATS"?? Now...he says he still cares and there have been few other times where we broke up but never more than like a weekend...he was extremely nice then...when we'd talk but NOW...he has this attitude, this TONE...I don't recognize...he isn't friendly when we speak and I asked him if maybe he'd like to get together this week and he said "I don't care". Now any other time he'd be like YES YES...I'd love to see you. He says he still cares and he thinks this just may be harder that he's still strongly attracted and he can't behave himself...so to speak. But...I would like to see him have a heart to heart...eye to eye...and maybe help him realize what he's missing? Or maybe just get a harsh dose of reality and see that it's just not there for him anymore. I'm convinced he is 'mean' to me so I'll be angry towards him and that'll just be easier....for him....to walk away from a MEAN person and not a nice one. So I'm killing him with kindness!! But ummm...I'm just open to anything anyone has to say..I'm having a real hard time...so....

[martinbishop]

In fact its funny you can read about how it turned out here and you'll probably laugh:

link removed

 

But this is something guys do when a relationship gets to intense. Fact of the matter is he is at a place mentally where he is thinking about being with you forever. Funny that he'd choose such a moment to end things right? But not really - he might feel like he has to figure out who he is - and thats tough to do while with someone else. Sewing his oats is literally saying he wants to go out there and see the world before he settles down. I know women feel like a committed relationship for the most part isn't an ball and chain, and guys don't necisarily either. If you really respect and love him you'll let him have his space. But he should know that this means you now get to abide bide the same rules and will go back into the singles pool too. This he won't like at all. But he'll have to realize - on his own or with help - that doing this to you is in the end not fair to you emotionally.

 

If you really want to be evil - hook up with a friend of his and see how quickly this relationship isn't really over yet.

 

Above all though tell him that this is ok to do but when hes done you might not be there for him to come back too and that if for some bizarre twist of fate later on down the road when he does come to his senses you will have to start again from the beginning because it will be too hard for you to ever trust him again.

 

Hope this helped.

[wishful]

I really understand what you are saying. And it's funny cuz he said something along the lines you did...that this relationship happened to soon/young...that if it were 7 years later we'd get married. That pisses me off because he's so conceited into thinking that I'd just married him, I can't stand the fact that I have to hold myself together when we talk and I said like an "obsessed" broken-hearted pathetic person....I hate it...he has a tone of just being FINE...that he is happy and I want that. So badly!! I hate that he can get to me and i hate that I can't get thru to him. yeah..the hooking up with his friend thing would be really evil...and trust me there are a few to pick from but I just hate how easy he can carry his life on and I can't!! I get so frustrtated that he hasn't once said he misses me and any other time he would. I don't want to get back together 'later down the road' after he's been with lord knows how many people, I dont want to be there watching TV and have some random girls call him. I don't see the need to go and have meaningless sex with every man I meet but he does with every girl...and I want to know who I am but not by random sexual encounters...he does....and I hate that!! Thanks for your advice....really....I appreciate it greatly and I'm going to try the approach you suggested and see what happens....and how I feel.