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Need Help Resparking an old relationship


martinbishop
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I am 23 and when I was 19 I switched schools to be with a girl I was with. In the transfer several things happened but foremost is that we broke up and got back together about 5 different times. I felt like I needed space to find out who I was and had to do that alone - this hurt her immeasurably. It finally ended after about 6 months of hell because she decided to make my current best friend her new lover. I even left the country for 6 months jsut to get away from it all.

 

It is currently 3 years since I've seen her and I called her the other day. It been gnawing at me since we broke up and I just felt like I wanted her back in my life. Its been a long time and I think we've probably both grown a lot mentally and emotionally.

 

The questions are:

- From a womans persepctive what woulod you think if an ex that you loved but had a horrible break up with called you up after 3 years?

- Can the past be forgotten? Forgiven? or moved past?

- Is it fair to tell her how I feel now?

- How or what can I do to get this person back in my life?

 

Thanks to all that help!

 

-Bish

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Greetings Bish,

 

From a female perspective, you have to try to understand that it's extremely hard for us to trust men, simply because so many of them talk the talk to just get in our pants and they never walk the walk, if you know what I mean. i.e. say they're going to call, never do, or call many days later.... we put up with it all the time and it gets so old! Men will tell us that we're the most beautiful thing they've ever seen, that they love us, they even propose marriage when they don't mean it. (At least these are my experiences).... just to keep us stringing along, waiting for a booty call. Just so they can tell all their buddies, "Yeah, I could have that whenever I want".... You hurt this girl, you hurt her more than any man can comprehend, I'm sure. You left her, you hurt her, and she doesn't ever want to feel that way again, nor let herself get into a situation where she could be hurt like that again. She might still love you more than anything but she also might weigh the consequence of getting hurt by you again.... I do not know her but by the way you talk, you said you hurt her immeasurably, it sounds like you got the hint that she didn't just get over you quickly. The thing that happened with your best friend happens all the time..... a girl is around her guy and his friend, she tries to impress him and figure out if she could have him just for the sake of being able to, also to make her man jealous, and whalla.... he's her new boyfriend..... typically this happens with less mature people but I've seen it happen with older people too, it just depends... (my husband is so afraid of this happening that he won't even develop close friends!) Anyway, my advice would be to tell her how you feel honestly and don't say anything you don't mean, or that you think she wants to hear. Just tell her the truth, and look into her eyes as you say what you're saying. Then back up what you say by showing her. What she does with that is her own choice and she might come back to you, she might not. Let's hope she changes her mind and comes back to you.

good luck!

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Hello. I don't see anything wrong with contacting her again, but then again I contacted someone after 7 years whom I didn't even date (just had the hots for and met a few times) and I am married with kids! I also think however that you cannot expect anything, but do state your intentions clearly and be prepared for no reply at all (that's what I got, but I still feel good). You must know them also.

 

If you are young, not married or with kids, you still can do a lot to sway a person in your life (not very easily after that). I am maybe weird, but I am a cancer and we clutch when we click. And since I don't click like I want with my man, I guess I just went to my past to get that feeling. I also believe all is fair in love and war as long as you don't expect too much and don't hurt anyone in the process. Honesty is the best policy. Good luck.

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