i just have a difficult time

[in_the_mirror]

i have a problem that my boyfriend finds very disstressing in me. i can't express my feelings at all very well. i like know how i feel in a way but i can't explain y or how it happens. i know the reason for it is because ever since i was little it was never an issue and no one seemed to care to much about how i was feeling (mainly my friends) so i learned to just deal with them inside. it takes a lot longer i know but i have always been independent in that way. i never realized how much it bothered some people as i got older and really after awhile they just stopped careing i guess they figured if she isnt' gonna tell me it isn't a big deal. well my boyfriend isn't like that at all.

he gets mad cuz i can't express my feelings like he can i mean i have tried numerous times but i always end up saying "i don't know how to explain it." i have tried telling him it is difficult and he understands a bit on how to make me open up a little bit. but i feel bad cuz it is a lot of work on his end. but i tell him that if it doesn't really have to do with him that i know how to do it myself, but he says he just wants to help cuz he doesn't like seeing me sad. and yes it is understandable i and i am trying to fix it and be happy. but i just find hard to do so and i was wondering if first someone else has a problem with this and two do i go about fixing it?

[The Morrigan]

It sounds strange, but try writing it at first instead of trying to find the words to speak - I have similar issues, and my conversation tends to be very inexpressive without a huge effort, but I've found I can write what's in my head much more easily than fumble to say it. It's like speaking it actually addresses two issues, not one - finding the words, AND opening up to someone in a position that feels very vulnerable. Start keeping a journal of your emotions and get used to putting them in words to yourself, it might gradually make it easier to find the words for him as well, and if you really want to tell him how you feel, and can't, try writing it down for him and discussing it from what you wrote.

[enadevoli]

ok, im exactly like you. like i have the hardest time saying how i feel. even my bf, he always tells me how i make him so happy & how much he cares about me & all that stuff & as hard as i try, its so hard & no one who isn't like this will understand. they will say "oh, just tell him, hes your bf, you can tell him anything" but its really not that easy for some people. i was tested & was diagnosed with this disability with verbal expression. it sounds like you are how i am, so maybe you have it too. it has nothing to do with being stupid or whatever, but it just has to do with not being able to say what you are feeling. i do know that it will get better slowly with some people. i am fortunate because i've explained to my bf that it is so hard for me to say how i feel & its going to take me some time (its been 8 months) & he understands. it has gotten better though, like i can tell him more now than i could & its only going to get better. just explain this all to your bf & hopefully he will understand. it also helps because my bf goes to college an hour away, so i only see him once a week. anyways, we email each other every day, & writing things down is so much easier than saying it. are you like that too? it helps because i can write my feelings down & he knows how i feel. if writing is easier for you, write him letters every once in awhile. hopefully he understands because this is some thing that takes time. pm me if you need any thing.

[Mar]

What I would do, and did, in this situation is: take baby steps. If you think your guy looks handsome, try not to think about it, just tell him right then and there that you think he's handsome. If he says something nice to you and it touches you, blurt it out that you appreciate the kind words. You don't have to get into a whole long monologue of how you feel, but I'm sure you've had times where you've felt something, either positive or negative, in response to something he's said. The next time you do, verbalize it, even with one sentence. Explain to him that you're trying to overcome this, and your thoughts may not seem clear, but that you're working through this the only way you know how.

 

I also liked the suggestion of writing your emotions down. I'll take it a step further in actually PRACTICING saying it, whether to the mirror, or just in an imaginary conversation with your boyfriend. Imagine some scenario where he's either made you very happy, or angry, or sad, whatever. What was the first thought that came to mind? TELL HIM THAT. Even if it's just something as short as "I don't like that!" You're still telling him how you feel.

 

Yes, it's VERY hard for some people to express their feelings. So do it in small doses, as I've said. This helped me overcome my fear of speaking my mind, and was part of the cure for my insecurity issues, that someone wouldn't love me as much if I displayed strong emotion and possibly upset them. Took a LOT of hard work, and I was a stuttering fool the first time I told someone they'd upset me, but WHAT A RUSH OF PRIDE WHEN I DID!!! I can't even begin to tell you how proud I was of myself after that first time, and that made it SO much easier after that.

 

Give it a shot.....if he loves you, he'll be patient with you and will realize that you've taken steps to cure this problem. Heck, tell him you've asked for advice on here as that very first step! If he truly knows what a problem it is, he'll know the sacrifice it took you to even tell US, faceless and strangers though we are, how you're feeling about this!

 

Mar