I like this guy and cant tell if he likes me back

[crinklecat]

I've been going out with this guy for about 3 weeks now. I really enjoy his company, we have a great time together, and mamzingly I dont get itrritated when he's around (as I have with people whom I didnt click with). I'd like to move the relationship along a bit (like maybe holding hands at least). I am attracted to this fella. I'm not sure what he's looking for. We've gone out on about 4 casual dates, and he hasn't even touched me, held my hand hugged me or anything. He's great, he's interested and we talk and have a great time together. Our dates often last the whole day, but I'm not sure if he is just very slow moving or he is not interested in me in that way. We joke around and can have great conversations and I feel very comfortable around him and i assume that he does seeing that he has called to go out again. It doesnt really bother me, It's just strange cause I've never been in this kind of situation before. I rreally dont want to be the one who brings up the question, am I doomed?

 

any opinion?

[thePuma]

I'm not sure if he is just very slow moving or he is not interested in me in that way. We joke around and can have great conversations and I feel very comfortable around him (...)

I rreally dont want to be the one who brings up the question, am I doomed?

 

Obviously I'm not going to tell whether he likes you or not.

 

Yes, or he is really slow moving, like most insteresting but shy guys or he doesn't like you. But you joke together, you have great conversations and you hang out together for a whole day, and he still calls you back... evidently he enjoys being with you. SO, he likes you.

 

But, does he REEEALLY like you? Well, you know him, is he usually shy? If he is, that's probably what's stopping him to go on. If he's usually an open and funny guy then most likely he *just* likes you.

 

But hey! You're a female (I think), you have some abilities that we men don't have: for example, pay attention to his eyes, to the way he smiles, does he gazes you and smiles most of the time?

 

If you decide that he likes you but he still doesn't go forward, when you're together, if the situation is ok, try leaning onto him (usually this works better in cold nights), maybe... maybe... he'll put his arm around you, and if this happens, I bet you'll feel much more comfortable to talk to him. Besides, friends usually hug, so it won't be weird.

 

Good luck!

[crinklecat]

I don't know if he is really shy or not. He is like me, reserved at first I guess and then opens up more. I been seeing him open up more and more since I have been doing all the fun things with him. I guess I am not sure how to handle it if it is a slow going thing.

 

Howq can you tell when A guy starts liking you more? I am a female and to be honest I am not so good at the flirting kind of thing, but we consistently talk on the phone, email and plan to do more things I guess I could just be impatient. I dont know. The not knowing thing bugs me. But if I knew that we were just friends I don't think it would affect much.

 

Do you think this has the opportunity to develop into more? I was never clear about how guys felt about female friends. If it was possible to have a platonic female friend without the "thought" crossing your mind.

[thePuma]

Yeah, he sounds like the average shy guy.

 

(1) Do you think this has the opportunity to develop into more?

(2) I was never clear about how guys felt about female friends.

(3) If it was possible to have a platonic female friend without the "thought" crossing your mind.

 

1. Yes, it has the opportunity to develop into more.

2. Heterosexual guys don't like to be used by false female friends.

3. No, it is not.

 

1. The typical straight guy will, more than once, think of his actual best female friend in a not so-platonic-friendship way. Shy guys, usually tend to hide his feelings behind a very kind way of being. An always available smiling guy usually means that he thinks you're special.

 

2. Guys hate to be used by women, besides that, everything is possible. If a girl gives just the slightest clue that a guy has some chances with her, he will want something. If you don't give him what they want, they might start avoiding you... sorry, you had to watch "Seinfeld" to understand this.

 

3. Guys, men, animals. Men inherited a lot from animals, and so, we all have the same basic needs, basically, we need to feel desired. Women... well... women are just truly unpredictable. No ofense it's more fun that way. I, personally, think it is important in an relevant bisexual friendship to think this way: "Would this girl, even think, about dating me as a boyfriend?". This answers these questions: "Am I an interesting guy?" and "Is she really enjoying the time she spends with me?".

 

How can you tell when a guy starts liking you more?

I almost forgot this one... The way he looks you. Any remaining formality vanishes, there's more intimacy and complicity in his words, sometimes his voice stops sounding like a friend's one and he starts talking more softly. Come on... you girls should know this kind of stuff...

 

This worries me:

The not knowing thing bugs me. But if I knew that we were just friends I don't think it would affect much.

What? You wouldn't be bothered if you were just friends? You better rephrase that, because this sounds like: "Yeah, if we were engaged or something, it would be nice, but friends is also ok with me.". SO, do you really feel something special about this guy...

 

 

Conclusions

Apparently this guy won't budge, so you'll have to try to make you both move. If you feel like he really likes you at all (check point 1 for a very willing guy) give him some clear clues, shy guys need them very clear (point 2 he will start looking at your friendship with new eyes). How to give him a clue? (point 3, guys are like animals) Use "the touch" (not the Force...).

 

I'll quote City of Angels here: "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.". The touch is the best sign of affection. Sociology and psychology can prove you that. As I said before, try leaning more onto him. I think that's the best way of telling him: "Hey! I'm here! I need to be hold!"

 

Ok, Warnings

- remember to be sure that you want to go a little further with this relationship or you can lose a good friend;

- be on the look out for changes in his behavior, if he accepts, he will become even more sweet, if he really doesn't want anything with you, he will start to come up with some excuses, weird smiles, that kind of stuff;

 

But hey? Isn't this uncertainty about love just the best thing in the world Falling in love is the best sensation of the world, better than flying, better than diving...

 

My last advice: you should not lose this chance. "Go to the mattresses" .

 

I'll shut up now...

[crinklecat]

Thanks for the advice, you really helped me figure out the whole guy thing. I am just so insecure around men and supposdly how they work and that kind of things that I should have learned a long time ago.

 

I don't really know what to do. I would like to do the flirty touch, but there is something holding me back, whether it be fear of rejection or maybe I am not ready. I dont know. (the flirty touch sounds like some sort of wrestling move) I kind of feel uncomfortable (nervous) cause I dont want him to pull away or not respond, if you know what I mean. I guess that would be a disappointment. I've made myself look like the fool one too many times and I'm not too sure how I feel about this one. I dont feel anything bad, but I dont feel comfortable enough yet. does this make sense?

 

I dunno.....

[thePuma]

I am just so insecure around men

I guess, after all, women have problems understanding the other gender too

 

I kind of feel uncomfortable (nervous)

Well, it's evident that I forgot the first time when (I thought) I had found the love of my life. Oh wait... yeah, I remember. I wasn't sure about everything too.

 

We were 15 and I used to get nervous and very happy at the same time. It was confusing. In the end, I concluded that she wasn't really the perfect fit for me. How it all started? It was her smile, she was sooo cute when she was smiling. She had a very cute voice and because she was small, all I wanted was to squeeze her in my arms. But, we weren't close friends, and I found out that she never understood me, the same way I never understood her. How could I love someone if I didn't know that person? I could, if she was the perfect fit. Lesson to learn? You have to know a person very well until you can be sure that you can love that person.

 

On the other hand, there was one other girl, a great and close friend. We laughed a lot. We almost could finish each other's sentences. I guess we both believed that if we turned into lovers everything could get messed. None of us ever mentioned that possibility. Today I regret I never asked her out in a "date way". For example, that conversation could take place in the middle of one our conversations about other people. It would start something like this: "On the other day I started wondering, how well would we feel if we were lovers?". I would not look ate her while I was speaking but after I finish I would look at her eyes. This way she wouldn't understand that I was serious about that question. If her answer was not negative, I would wait a moment and ask with emphasis on 'date': "What do you think if we went out in a date?". If her answer was negative, I would ask: "So, there would be no point in going out in a date? Right?". Lesson: To ask doesn't hurt.

 

It's very easy, to ask about the feelings of the other person if we are close enough. We can act naturally.

 

Now, I am not fishing your fish but I'm almost pulling the string. You have to pull the string too, it's the only way you toughen your muscles.

 

I dont feel anything bad, but I dont feel comfortable enough yet. does this make sense?

I think yes. Not feeling comfortable enough means something. Maybe you are rushing things a little or it is yet too soon to be sure if you two would feel good after stepping forward.

 

Happy conclusions