It is hopeless to try and save them

[cyankino]

It has been a month since my now ex girlfriend left me because she wanted to continue doing drugs and not continue putting up with my rules.

 

The way I now see it is like this:

 

She was never really there for me because she always had drugs on her mind. (true we had wonderful moments that I will never forget but in the end... the drugs won) She lied to me, she cheated on me, she stole from me and she was never patient with anything. she wanted everything and wanted it now.

 

I was simply blinded by how much I cared about her and wanted her to stop doing drugs. I never checked up on her though, I guess I rellied on trust more than reality.

 

True, I did care for her like nothing else, but now that I see that same care was not given back. how drug using people think, I guess I will not know until I go to meetings, and to tell you the truth... that is something I just don't want to think about right now.

 

Look to all of you people who think that they can save a drug user... it is ultimately up to the drug user to stop using. not you, not their parents, not anyone. there are I guess interventions but I see it like this. you can take a person away from the fire... but until they truly get burned... they will never know the true pain.

 

its a sad fact when I came to realize that I have to let her get burned, that I have to just walk away and let her deal with this. she drained me so much over the years and now I just pray for her and look to the future. its all I can really do, cause for 3 years... for 3 long sad years all I did was care about her and worry about her.

 

Good luck to the rest of you who have to deal with this sad reality, but know that you are not alone.

 

I guess the same goes for alcoholics.

 

P.S. there are actually groups dedicated to our side of the spectrum. link removed is for people who have to deal with loved ones that are alcoholics and link removed is for people who have loved ones that are drug users. I only know of the california nar anon web site. but hope its a start for some of you.

 

good luck.

[ShadeOfGreen]

"True change comes from within" -Lao Tzu I think

 

Its true. I have a brother who is a drug user and his perception of the world is like nothing I have ever seen in my life. Though I must admit I am a pot smoker and have done some things (Nothing like cocaine or heroin or opiates, or pills) but some people can't control themselves.

 

When you get to a certain point in drug use, you no longer have a clear perception of how to be happy. You've been depending on being happy through being high so you lose focus on how happiness can come from little things. A drug user needs to realize this, the they can change. You can help them, but ultimately they make the decision.

[cyankino]

yes I'm back, it has now been two months since my ex left me for another guy. I heard from her about 3 weeks ago and she told me that she wanted me back. but when I asked her why she wanted me back.... she did not tell me she wanted to change and that she finally saw the "light" she told me that the guy she left me for... he has a baby and that babies mama is getting in the way. and basically she does not want anyone in the way.

 

I told her I would call her later cause I had to go back to work... and then decided after 4 hours... to tell her to never call me again. I told her I don't want her back in my life. Then she told me somthing.... something that made my decision 100% correct..... she told me "oh ok, I'm here with the guy anyways"

 

sigh:

 

drugs suck!!!!!!

 

I havent heard from her since. but I do think about her everyday. good luck to the rest of you and know that you are not alone.

[benzeleski2]

I highly disargee. Addicts can be helped.As for some people give up on them until its too late. My 28 yr old brother died of endocarditus which was caused from a needle(bacteria on the needle) 3 months before he died he met this girl who he fell in love with and stopped doin heroin for her.But since how many yrs prior when everyone assumed he couldnt be helped,it was just too late. This is my opinion. Dont assume, look at that word ASS U ME. when people assume they make an ass out of you and me. In this case it was a little steeper. HEs gone cuz everyone gave up on him.

[cyankino]

love does help some people in quiting their drug habbits, but keep in mind that love only lasts for so long. (i am referring to when to people first fall in love.)

 

They stop for you and only you cause they love you and they don't want to hurt your feelings.

 

I don't know... I give my ex less than two years and she will leave this world. simply because she pushed me out of her life and wanted to live her drug lifestyle. that was her choice and I will not burn myself out trying to help someone that simply does not want to be helped.

 

love means something... but only for a while.

 

BTW. I am sorry to hear about your brother. I cant imagine how much worse it could have been for me if she just straight out died on me like that. I am sure I would have lost it big time. I am very grateful that I at least got to hear and say goodbye to her. Drugs are bad and complicated, but I want to thank you for voicing your opinion.

[swift44]

if she important to you than you should never give up on her try to find her help no matter how much she objects you should never give up on her

Good lck and May God be with u and ur friend

[benzeleski2]

cy, Dont give up.Even if you arent with her still,she must be a good person regardless or you wouldnt have been with her,right? Support her as a friend. I know its easier said then done. My brother did alot of bad shit.He stole off my whole family.But he was my brother regardless.

 

 

P.S She is still the person you fell in love with behind the drugs.She needs help.HELP HER before its too late.

[cyankino]

I hear you both, and for 3 years that was my attitude. I thought... its the drugs its the drugs that are making her do this parc. the hardest part for me was not being there for her... the hardest part for me was turning my back and letting it go.

 

honestly... the way she thinks and the way she lives... its a pretty sad bet... but I give her less than 2 years and she leaves this world. I 100% gave it all I could. she chose her path and I simply have to accept that and move on with my own life.

 

These are the facts and my beliefs. as sad and stupid as they sound... they have their reasons and in the end its for the best of both me and my family.

 

once again thank you for your responses and I appreciate and respect them.

 

ps. basically I have a life to live... and I cant put it on hold for someone that does not want my help. (its a sad truth.)

[LexiIsMyLadybug]

The thing that has to be realized is that the addict has to WANT help before he can be helped. Sometmes that takes their lifetime and the lifetime of their loved ones. I know. I have been married almost four years to an addict. You name it - alcohol, crack, speed...as he used to say - you couldn't miss him with drugs - the only thing he hasn't ever used is heroine. For a long time I didnt know what was going on. When I found out he went to a 30 day rehab....it wasn't enough. The addiction finally took everything from him. We aren't together anymore. I am in the process of filing for divorce. He has no job, no money, no vehicle and he lives in a cockroach infested house with a dope "fiend" and her friends. They "sell" dope to do dope. The sad part of this story is not how much I love him or how much I pray for him but that he left me on November the 8th and our precious daughter was born on November the 18th. He has only seen her about five hours total. The drugs and the alcohol are more important right now. Occasionally when he pulls himself out of a stupor he'll call to "check" on her. He hasn't paid a dime of child support, no diapers, no formula - nothing. Yet he says he cares - that she is the most important thing to him. I believe that, yes, he does love her. He just doesn't care about her right now. He can't put her first. I believe that underneath the addiction, there is a man worth saving, but I can't save him. I'm only able to save myself and my daughter. I give him to God because only he and God will be able to save him. I don't give up hope for him....I just give him up.

[cyankino]

Well put. I hear you, it is like there is a person under all those drugs, a person you love and care about. But the drugs are something else, something so irrational that we look past them and only see the person we love and not the drugs.

 

Good luck and post his improvements if any. as for my story? well... I know that she is still alive and living with her parents... I know that they are paying for her cell phone bill because she text messeged me on new years... but for my own benefit that is all I want to know.