Improving your self esteem and confidence

[vfunkera]

ok there are so many people who are complaining on this website about being broken hearted and wanting their ex's back or a partner in their life (me being one of them). I've figured while being on this website that in the end the key to almost anything is high self-esteem and confidence. Many of us who have just broken up or complaining are probably low in this area. all the advice given does basically come down to having confidence in yourself.

i want to be able to walk around confident in myself, feeling like a great catch, a great guy, a popular guy, like a king. some one who can use his own intuition. someone who can get what he wants. so does everyone else on this great site that seems to be complaining (or not).

i want to ask the question, how can i raise/improve my self esteem, and my confidence? what are helpful ways of doing this? what action can i take? hopefully your advice and suggestions can help all us here, especially those of us who have just broken up, feeling depressed, low or trying to improve our lives in one way or another.

thanks.

[routerx]

I've always found that I gain confidence when I learn and master something. Like my latest engineering exam. I passed the lab which took 3 years to prep for. I feel great.

I would have to disagree somewhat with your all-in-one answer about self-esteem though. If someone is confused and hurt by someone it PROBABLY IS NOT because of low self-esteem. It's probably because they have a good heart and they want love to work.

Just because you have high self-esteem does not mean you are not capable of getting your heart broken. Sooner or later, high self-esteem or not, you will have to lay your heart on the line. If someone steps on your heart, it hurts... bad.

[vfunkera]

no definetly i agree with everything u just said. what i ment was that many people who have just been dumped by their partners are usually the ones who end up with low confidence. there are exceptions, but that is usually the case. i was so confident and proud of myself when i was with my girlfriend, and loved her so much. but when she broke up with me, i fell to an all time low and was crushed, because i didnt think there was anyone else out there. the majority feel like that, so i would like to hear more advice on how to make yourself more confident when ur in that state of mind.

thanks alot though.

[routerx]

Got it. Thanks for clarifying.

 

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend a 3 years back after she broke my heart real bad with many lies after we fell in love.

 

I got out of the funk by applying the following motto:

 

"I realise now that I can't control the person I love. The only thing I can control in this world is myself. So, if every day, I try to make myself better. No matter how bad things get, I can ONLY control my actions and attitude."

 

I suggest trying to imagine yourself a year from now and what you want to be like. Then, every day, work on yourself to get there.

 

By realizing what we cannot control we become enlightened to our true potential and we become a beacon attracting others.

[surfdog]

I go to the the gym or do some kind of physical activity...you feel good after you work out and you look great too...a confidence booster for sure!

[OmegaMan]

Hi Funkera,

 

Mar actually typed an AWESOME post on self-esteem which I actually printed and put on my bedroom door. Here's the quote:

 

 

 

I think this answers any question at all on self-esteem.

 

Omega Man

[vfunkera]

thanks alot of guys, i do go gym, and always try to challenge myself with something new, becuase it will make me more of a complete 'person' and make me more confident. thanks omega man, i actually read that post, it was quite long so i didnt go thru all of it, but i thought mars post was especially good.

if theres any other advice or suggestions then feel free. thanks alot guys.

[xrd]

I find that my self esteem is mostly dependent on outside sources. I think this is wrong but it's how it goes with me.

I remember going to work each morning with my head down and feeling worthless. I felt that way until someone said good morning or how are you today or somehow included me in their conversation. When that happened I elt better about myself.

 

I remember this summer going to a nude beach and feeling really bad about myself as I lay there naked. I felt fat, ugly, not tan enough etc etc etc ...all day I was down on myself. On the long walk out to the car on the wooded trail a guy caught up to me and told me that I "was very attractive" and asked me if I was coming there again soon. He told me his name, where he was from, when he'd be back and said he hoped I'd be there then too.

 

I was flabbergasted! Someone thinks ugly ole me is attractive enough to risk making a complete fool of themselves by approaching and starting a conversation?! I told him I was dating someone monogamously for the last 5 years. He said that guy is very lucky! We parted ways in less than a minute. He walked ahead.

 

About a 1/4 mile down the trail I see him again. He's waiting for me. When I reach him he holds out his hand and says he "has something for me". He gives me a four leaf clover! and rides off on his bike.

 

I'm amazed that someone would go to the trouble just for me. The big boost to my self esteem lasted for about 2 days as I remember, then it was right back into hating myself. To maintain a healthy amount of self esteem I think some humans need to be sought after, told they're handsome, be catered to and just generally "fussed over" or paid attention to more than other people do.

 

The moral of this story is that we're not as bad outside as we often feel inside. Gee, I even feel better having thought about this again.

 

I wish he had come to me early in the day then I wouldn't have laid there naked and felt so terrible about myself.

[Amir Rimer]

I want to add another thing to all the things added before

 

This is my anlayze of your situiation:

 

To my believe the thing that stops you from having a high self esteem

 

is that deep in your heart you think that you are not enough of somthing.

 

As long as you believe that, you are never going to take

 

the action that you need to. Because you're going to feel that

 

you aren't yet enough of something to take action.

 

The way you become enough is by taking action and

 

learning from your experiences, period!

[jessicarosy]

Great Post!

 

It is true that Self Esteem is manifested in a wonderful feeling of inner balance, grounded on self acceptance and a healthy, comforting self-respect towards you. Your self worth is an underlying factor in determining the level of your Self Esteem. When you feel good about yourself regardless of your situation, your circumstances, opinions and the economy, you practically increase the potentiality of succeeding in any endeavor.

 

Where as Self Confidence is not something that comes naturally or happens overnight. Self Confidence is gained from personal achievements in life. Failures or feelings of inadequacy can have a direct impact on ones level of confidence. Improving your self confidence also will help you reach your dreams, goals, and desires in life.

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