Clementine orange Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Does anyone wonder if all the heartbreak and angst and all that is really worth it? Like that wretchd aftermath seems to cancel the joy we felt when we were with someone and we are tempted to think that "if I'd known it was going to be this horrible breaking up and missing you and all that" than I wouldn't have got involved with you in the first place. I'm on the cusp of getting more involved with someone new. However, I still in a lot of ways feel pretty hung up about my ex. I know this new thing would just be a band aid - a distraction and I know it's not really fair to her but ....I'm reisting but I'm fighting a losing battle, this woman is persistent and saying all the right things, In my past (and I've had a fair bit of it now) I've noticed that I never really heal from the previous relationship until I am knee deep in a new one. Only to start the horrible cycle all over again some time later. Like a rebound of a rebound from a rebound and so on. Sure you could say "stay away from dating for while" and I do try but women seem to come out of the woodwork and tempt me and I'm so lonely sometimes ... Its like they are attracted to the heartbroken male. Maybe they are attrackted to males that _can_ be heartbroken (which means they can love) since a good portion of men don't seem to be able to express themselve or drag themselves away from their buddies or sports chanell I don't know, I don't even know what my question is here... Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 All i can say is: "Dance like nobody's watching love like you've never been hurt Sing like nobody's listening live like it's heaven on earth." Link to comment
Rochelle Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 That was pretty good insight there. I think perhaps you are right in that quite a few women are attracted to the heartbroken male in the subconscience level of knowing that perhaps he loves deeply, thus making him a catch. All people want to be loved on a deep emotional level. And almost all of us have been thru a situation where we didn't feel that was what we got out of our relationships. Perhaps there is even some level of sharing there, knowing that you have been to the dark side as well of heartache and loneliness. Also, i believe there is some level of nurturing that comes out of a woman. Knowing you've been hurt it is perhaps on some level a side to us that want to mend, help and make it all better as we would our children. I know when i see someone wounded, male or female, i want to reach out to them to comfort them. And there is also the other side of this as well where you will find some girls want the challenge of the chase. To be able to not only make you feel better, but to forget about her all together, fall so madly in love w/ them, and prove to themselves that they are somehow more loveable, more superior then the ex. One never knows what's in the minds and hearts of those out there when they see someoen in your situation or mine for that matter. I only know that yes, there does seem to be a pattern there of women who are attracted to the sad/broken man, for various reasons. Good on you for you trying to resist this new attempt, acknowledging, tho hard, that its not the right time. Best of luck to you...Ro Link to comment
shell80 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hey orange man... I know that for me - it is a good thing that the guy has experienced real love and heartbreak, however not fresh heartbreak as I'd be very dubious as to whether the guy is over the ex yet or not. Your new woman is an adult - but please be careful with her heart too... Also look after yourself - you may not be ready to jump back in yet - everyone is on their own time line but please heal yourself first. Link to comment
astrobaby Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 That is a good question. In the aftermath of having your heart shattered into a thousand pieces, no it definitely doesn't seem worth it. But somehow, when you do finally get that giddy feeling of falling for someone again, that feeling that makes you a foot taller and your feet glide inches off the ground, then you seem to forget that, and it's all worthwhile, more than worthwhile. Falling for that person is once again the greatest experience you can have. Link to comment
Songstokillthepain Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 My Girlfriend and I recently broke up. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. My whole future is planned with her a part of it. I moved back with my father and as of yesterday we are going NC. It has been a week since we broke up and a few days ago I realised something that made me very happy. The thing I want the most is for her to be happy, whether it be with me or with someone else, even if we never see each other again, I just want her to be happy. I thought about how much I love her, how proud I am to have been with her and to have ever loved so profoundly. I realised that what we had is our legacy, whether it ends now or never. I will sorely miss her but I will revere and remember our love in all it's majesty, I will not mourn it. What I realised is that alot of your happiness lies in your perspective. It is extremely hard to keep your resolve, but it is worth the effort. As for the heart ache and the angst, I think that it is worth it. Every moment of pain. We come out stronger and better than before and every relationship is a single and special, once in a lifetime experience. They will never be the same for 2 different people. We learn from them, we grow from them, we remember them with happiness and with pain. Whatever happens we must always love with everything we've got. James Link to comment
Clabs Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hey James Just wanted to say - what a fantastic and mature post - really loved it! Mark Link to comment
need2bme Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Its like they are attracted to the heartbroken male. Maybe they are attrackted to males that _can_ be heartbroken (which means they can love) since a good portion of men don't seem to be able to express themselve or drag themselves away from their buddies or sports chanell GREAT POST!!! Yeah, I thought this was true and maybe it is. I know this is exactly what the ex said about me, then she couldn't handle it. She loved me and wanted to keep dating me and then a week later she did not love me and I was obsessive. So, they want men that can love, but then you gotta walk the fine line of loving and obsession. Anyway, I also like your point about getting over a relationship with a relationship. I have done that too, so you aren't the only one. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Yeah I always feel kinda bad about it though. Especially since the first part of the new relationship has an element of me whining and maoning about the ex. It always surprises me how much women will put with! Link to comment
Songstokillthepain Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Perhaps it's not the women who put up with it but rather you are more balanced than you realise. You probably just don't push it because you natural recognise limits. Link to comment
bubblyblonde11 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all, so the saying goes. Link to comment
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