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Hey ShyGuy

I have been trying to figure this one out for soooo long and still dont think i have come to a full conclusion.Its such a hard one,on the one hand ignorance is bliss,and on the other i often think it is better to be fully aware of peoples true intentions and any bad situations that might occur so as to protect myself from harm and so that i am aware of all the consequences of something.i.e a relationship.


Im sad to say that i am usually a cynic when it comes to relationships,its a very hard cycle to break,unless being positive comes naturally to a person.


Honestly,i think the key is to have a bit of both.(Easy said i know) but it is something i am trying to master as we speak.I have always been the sort to analyse every person i come into contact with so much that eventually,no matter how nice the situation or person is,i find something bad and up goes my guard.

Its important just to be wise and realistic.If you are too positive about relationship you may become blind to something bad that could be happening right underneath your nose,and if you are too cynical or pessimistic than you may kill the relationship anyway,for obvious reasons.Nobody really wants to be with someone that is dead set thinking you are going to hurt them or that there is a hidden agenda in everything you do or say.


Its all about analysis.If you initially think person or situation is good,then i wouldnt over-analyse it,because then you WILL find reason to be cynical if that makes sense,but obviously is you feel in your heart that something is not right then you cannot simply ignore it,this is being naive.


You have to trust people as far as you can throw them until you are proven that you cannot trust them.Its hard to do if you are naturally wary,but otherwise you may aswell not bother,from my experiance.-the relationship is already dead.Yes nice people do exist,but,(this is my honest opinion i dont want to offend anyone) the sooner you realise that most people you come in contact with are *beeps* then you will be able to spot a decent person a mile off when they do come along.Its much easier than assuming that everyone that you will meet will be nice and will like you,coz in the real world this is simply not the case.


On a final note,no cynics dont always have it better,sometimes perhaps but only if the cynical approach was justified in the first place and the same goes for optimists.


Hope i helped in your questions,sorry for such a long response,i really have strong feelings on this subject!!!


Take care.

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First of all thanks for the long response; cause I want as much info on this subject as possible , thanks again mate


See the thing is that this topic affects all kinds of relationships and not only going out it affects our friendships and our family relations and how we also bond with complete strangers.


I am very positive person, but sadly my faith has been dented time and again with friends and gf , what I have realized is that I have to cut down my expectations with people and when I do that ; they just automatically start making more of a effort :


Point that is seen here , hold back and watch the little effort the person is making before , expecting more.


Also I feel that the world is full of cynics, I feel I should become one to it is the easier and safer method out, I mean I was hurt so badly the last time that it almost cost me my life, I just couldn’t control the emotions.


Yeah you are right that most people we meet are beeps, trying to go out of there way to crush nicer souls. I have some friends like that, but I don’t let there behavior influence mine, its just that they are nice in their own way, but we all our different so sometimes I see things and I feel


how can tis guy/gal can be my friend. The thing I have realized Is that I believe in myself and whenever something really upsets me now I don’t let it get to me. As humans I guess we get our self worth from our friends and relationships and sometimes we judge ourselves by these, well I have learnt that I am only responsible for my actions and will not participate in anything which I feel is wrong.


But this leads me to be a little bit of a outcast from my group of friends, and thus I never have any real close friends, but I don’t regret that cause atleast I can go to sleep feeling that I am being myself.

The problemn is that nice guys no good with girls, leads to loneliness and then depression ..and not that girls don’t make a advance at me they do but I feel I am taking advantage of a sweet girl whose feelings I might hurt , thus I become a little apprehensive , but if I do like someone I go and tell them . infact not so long back I had told a friend of mine who I liked that I wanted to be with her, on her face ..she stopped talking to me ..but then I met her again at a friends party and she was like hi !! I told her agin that I like her then on her face ..she again started acting weird, so I just winked at her and told her that she very beautiful this made her smile but then I let it go ..so the positivness is there but what did that gain ?


Sorry for the long post but lets have some responses guys ..on ur own feelings

Cheers mate’s ..hey pm me if u ever want advise on ur topic


Special thanks to BS, who has helped me time and again , thank you !


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Its always hard to keep on being optimistic wen uv been through hell a lot. like u'l always keep tellin urself better things will be rite around the corner n stuff but why does it have to take so long then? but one things for sure...neva eva jugde or abuse your present relationships bcoz of what happened in the past. its simply just not worth it. of course they all say the same thing...evthin happens for a reason but sumthimes reasons are not wht we what. we want guarantee and assurance. we want to know whether what we are doing and expecting will be the same things the other person would do. like if so how far would they actually go coz if it was me or you we know we'l go hell far. n above all be true to yourself. dnt be cynical n dont build a wall around yorself to protect yourself. open up and people around will envy you bcoz they know..."hey datz a guy who knows what hiz saying and he aint pretending". it doesnt matter because you know u have done ur best and hve done your part n its the other who has to meet you halfway. and if dey dnt datz just their lost den. rem dat there is alwayz to sides no matter how thin u slice a piece of paper. so look at the good one.

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Okay first of all when you say never judge a present relationship from what happened in the past !

Is that possible really I mean don’t we learn from our experiences ?? don’t they make us more negative or positive in our thought process ?? I mean they do affect our thinking , someone gets raped ..u cant tell me she wont be afraid next time or more apprehensive around strange guys!!

Also the thing that everything happens for a reason?? Is that really true, I mean if someone came up and slapped you thinking you were someone else ..what could be a good reason for that ?? or u go out with your bf/gf and then they just dump you for no particular reason (happened to me !!!) what s so good about that


I appreciate your insight into the subject expect its like swiss cheese got holes in it …lol


So can anyone else give there views …thanks to everyone of u guys/gals

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I dont think its possible not to be at least a little judgemental in present relationships,you wouldnt be human otherwise.-It just depends on how far you choose to take that judgement.If kept to yourself and not allowed to grow and grow,a simple observation like that cannot be harmful,it can simply make you aware of what COULD potentially happen.Nobody goes through life forgetting the bad things that happen to them,its what makes us who we are,and you learn the most when something bad is happening to you.Think about it.The harshest lessons are the ones you learned the most from and the ones that you will never forget.Thats their purpose.The purpose of making mistakes is so that you dont do it again or avoid it at all possible costs,you know once bitten,twice shy.

Lets put it this way,unless your a bit mad your not going to stick your hand in a fire,coz from past experiance you know the consequences...it bloody hurts!!


Past things dont have to give you negative thoughts,just realistic ones.You no longer live in cloud cookoo land afetr the first time you have had your heart broken.Miraculously those pink clouds and flying pigs disappear.


Its all about perception.Good topic by the way!!



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Hey I totally agree with u BS we all learn from our experience, and then carry on from there;


That exactly is my problem and comes to my original ques that , what if I have been positive but got negative response how do I go back to being positive how do I make the brain forget the bad experience and become innocent again and stop being critical of everyone o meet .


Its like this that my insitincts have become more finely tuned then before I mean I know now already if I am going to get along with someone or not its just there , I mean before I would give everyone a chance but not anymore , its like my brain has learnt and stops me from being extra friendly that would be how most people would describe me ..hey he is a friendly guy ..but guess what that’s why I get taken for granted again and again ..so Ive stopped being so friendly I mean whats the point ..if everyone going to kick ur ass


I mean I am still a easy going guy but I am from being very sensitive become sensitive , its like I have extremes either I can be very cold if I want to be or very sensitive , but I am only cold in 5-6 % of the time generally I am just cordial .


But most people take this as a sign of weakness and try to play with my feelings and stuff and that’s where I run into , I should be a cynic and treat them rudely and with coldness.


Guess I am just a lil confused ..can u help!


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