Sex is gone after a year

[scilla22]

Hi, My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and the sex is already gone. Every time I bring up sex we get into it, and it is like a punishment instead of pleasure. I love her with all I turned on by her. I always want to make love to her, but she doesn't want to. She tells me that she is always thinking about it but she doesn't do anything about it. It is very hard for me. Then when we do make love, it is all about her and not me. I let her know how I feel, and she tells me to give her time to work on it, I will leave it alone for a few months and bring it up again. The same thing. Please let me know what should I so???

 

Scilla [/i]

[Mar]

I can certainly sympathize with your problem, being in it myself! My fiance is the same way, and he says to give him time if I discuss the lack of sex. BUT, he also told me his reasons behind WHY he's not into it right now....has your girlfriend told you what's bothering her about it? It could be several different things-maybe she's not completely comfortable with it, maybe she has past issues that sex brings up, maybe she's under stress or tired and isn't in the mood....the list goes on and on. But above all, if you love her, DON'T pressure her on it, that'll only make things worse. Granted, it's easier for a woman to have sex if she doesn't want to than a man, but that doesn't mean that she should just because she CAN.

 

If she's not comfortable with it, ask her why, and if there's anything you can do to help her. But don't tell her about how much you want it, because (as I learned) even saying that you only want to please the person who doesn't want it and aren't looking for gratification yourself is a form of a guilt trip to someone who's (for whatever reason) unable or unwilling to have sex. Be supportive of her and let her know you love her regardless. She'll appreciate that a lot more! Possibly suggest sex therapy or couples counselling you two can attend together...but try to get her to open up on her reasons why first. Good luck!

 

Mar