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Have you ever been...(ANOTHER SURVEY)


setsuko1981
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Setsuko,

I think i have been in the situation you have described. Once i was really really into this guy,we were actually together.and i told him what i felt all the time,always writing him love letters and generally thinking i had to work for his love. Then one day when i thought everything was fine,he told me that he didnt have the same feelings for me that i had for him!!

I was devastated,but i just took some time out for myself and confided in my friends,i knew i hadnt done anything more than to love him too much so after a few days i felt better,was getting on with life and wthin a few weeks he was begging for me back.But by this time i was already dating his friend!!! What goes around comes around!!

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actually.......yes i have been through something similar Setsuko

 

although i have never been in a relationship, i remember when i was much younger, in primary school, i had a crush on this boy. on his b'day party, everyone from our year was invited, and he had face paintings going. i remember how upset i was when i got the "princess" face, and he got a "kings" face and my friend got the "queens". lol i took it as some sort of sign. i cried for ages, then when he asked me what was wrong, i told him about my feelings.he didnt feel the same. he actually liked my friend.

 

the negatives about this is that it was my first and only time doing this, and i fear it has made me sceptical about doing it again. theres not much you can do really, but accept that it was not ment to be.

 

however, i feel moments like these make us stronger as a person, and to just have that courage to say something, is a HUGE step i think, whether its a regection or not, i believe it all helps build who we are!

 

so perhaps a different insight can help in situations like these?

 

just my opinion

 

*+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

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Romantic love is not supposed to last. Sometimes I think we put so much energy into it to try and make it work. I notice that relationships between best friends is much like amorous relationships, EXCEPT that best friends relate to each other based in real terms and in reality. Plus we generally accept that one of us might move away, or that we grow apart ... whatever the reason, we don't usually assume that friendships will remain exactly the same month after month, year after year. We tend to accept them in a more organic way and we are far more accepting of the faults of friends than we are of our significant others.

 

Why is it that we look at platonic love far more healthier than we do romantic love? We don't usually seek counseling for friendships or try to fix a friendship via lengthy talks, seminars, books, and touchy-feely Dr. Philisms. We don't try to insure our special friendships with contracts that cover us "in sickness and in health". How many books (for women of course) are on the market describing how to have an ideal friendship, vs. those that offer advice on love?

 

Ever stop to consider that the love market is so huge because it's predicated on illusion? If not, then consider organized religion, fashion, and Hollywood, and you'll see a bizarre, probably Western notion, that your mate should provide a level of entertainment, or mystery... some ingredient which compels people to buy into them. Ironically, religion, fashion, and cinema (along with health care and finance) are all industries built on the premise of illusion, or the act of balancing desire with expectation. They are also indirectly linked to our quest for "true love". For instance, to find it, we copy the styles and behaviors of our current actors. Notice I say "current", for actors are only the human symbols of the trends of the times, yet when we copy their exploits we do so to attract a potential, hopefully life-long partner. Ditto for the fashion imagery we choose to make ourselves attractive. Also, we are as superstitious about love as we are about religion - how else do you explain the unfounded beliefs in love at first sight, undying devotion, and soulmates? Yet people swear by this stuff. The silly little mental games we play in relationships remind me of the stock market - buy low, sell high; speculation; supply and demand; influencing values based on market perceptions...well, you get the picture.

 

Platonic love is based in helping your friend by being as honest with them as you can. We learn very quickly that full honesty is often incompatible with affairs of the heart. Why is this so? Most examples of romantic love are far from honest. Hell, even Romeo and Juliet kept secrets from one another.

 

I admit I've been unlucky in love. I also admit that it's mostly my fault - you do have to buy into it to make it work for you. I know this reply-turned-essay may seem clinical and cynical, and I know those adjectives are the kiss of death where love is concerned - that's why poetry, music, candles, fragrances, and other sensory devices are so implicit in the hunt for love. Love has nothing to do with the day-to-day, the mundane, and the ordinary. With love, we are seeking the extraordinary, the mind-expanding, and the chemical. It's no wonder that as the aforementioned industries (with the exception of religion) have loomed larger over our lives, our chances for a successful marriage have lessened. No wonder we also seek a mate to lessen our fears about "dying alone" (another irrational illusion). People use religion to grant a kind of afterlife insurance, and a lucky marriage seems to be just another kind of insurance policy. I'm not crazy about the thought of dying, but frankly, marriage scares me more. I don't care if my wife was J Lo, Britney, Halle, and Selma all in one - I'm sure there would come a day when she would get sick of my crap and I of hers. And neither illusion nor industry will be able to fix that. Only reality will.

 

Perhaps this might help some of you through the pain of your breakups.

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