Hooking up with a friend?

[AustralianGuy]

Hey I'm 17 and, as my name suggests, am Australian and a guy . I am also new to this board but it seems like a great source of advice! Speaking of which, I need some advice;

 

I have been good friends with a girl for about a year now (ridiculously good friends - see her at least once-twice a week, she calls me literally every day etc) and I really like her, to the point where I'm pretty sure it's love . Anyway a while back she asked me if I wanted to be physical with her just as friends (nothing beyond second as she is a devout christian

 

I have had only some experience with girls as I am really shy in person, which is a curse. Despite this I agreed and we had some fun for a while, but I could never work up the courage to kiss her even though she said she wanted to more than once via sms. Yes I have hooked up a few times before, but only ever initiated it once after a lot of psyching myself up and only ever initiated it with my gf of the time who had told me she wanted to. Anyway, this arrangement lasted about 3 months until she broke it off saying 'we would become to much like a couple, then one of us would move on and the other would get hurt'. I tried to accept her wishes but this didn't last as the following week she was all over me, and we gradually worked back to where we were.

 

Recently, though, she has been more affectionate to me than usual and said specifically that she wants to hook up with me, and I returned these feelings. After about a week, because I didn't try to initiate it (despite wanting to), she messaged me saying things like "you don't want to" etc... I said I did and bought myself some time by saying I wasn't feeling too well and didn't want to risk her catching anything. The problem is that I really can't postpone it any longer, so was wondering:

 

1.) Any tips on working up the confidence to do it? Is it better to ask or just try to initiate the kiss?

2.) Any tips on method? This is the main concern: I really don't want to mess this up and she has told me in casual conversation that being a good kisser is an important quality in a boyfriend for her.

3.) Would this really be in my interest? I know she just sees me as a good friend whereas I want more. Our HSC (Australian SAT equivalent) is beginning in 2 weeks.

4.) Any tips on getting over her? I try to see us as just friends throughout life but am having a lot of trouble there.

 

Any help would be appreciated, thanks in advance.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

G'DAY MATE lol i'm asutralian too. Yea this place is pretty good, sometimes I feel like I'm apart of this family.

 

I gotta say, you have a situation, complicated by yourself with all your worrying but hey, that could be a good thing, being prepared right?

I personally don't see why you just become a couple? if you're going to do the things they do, why not?

 

Isn't life all about takin chances? you shouldn't think about things, just do it because you know, chances are you'll never be able to predict the future. But life's just too short, screw thinkin twice.

 

She could be afriad, make her feel safe, tell her you're willing to sacrifise the friendship then never knowing what would have becommed.

 

So what if u do screw up the friendship, if you're so close already, it'll just take some time before you're back 2 ur old friend style again because like it's virtually impossible to drift away from best friends unless you don't do anything about it.

 

I think it's just you thinkin too much and worrying about things before they surpass but I suppose, sometimes people like to be prepared even though there's just way too many possiblities lol "ooh.. the possibilities" - some sorta toy ad catchphrase. Anyway, right back to this, even if u do worry, somethin else you might not b prepared for might occur, then wouldn't it have been a waste of time?

 

Don't think twice. Go for it. Like I said, life's way too short once you get down to it.

 

As for your questions

1: all I can say is do it, do it before your conscience gets you and know that it can so don't even think, just do, I kno its hard but practice makes perfect... I'm not sure about asking or not, it could make her nervous but since she always makes the move, actually I think you shouldn't ask, surprise her, let her know you want it and that you really do by making the move for once, you owe her.

 

2 likes different methods, I don't like a particular but I tend to like slow-passionate to strong-passionate. Its best to ask her what she likes...I don't believe in a overall "good kisser"

 

3 it? I'm not sure either, it does, very very slightly now I feel affect your studies, but as you said...two weeks, you'll be ok. I don't think you can get distracted enough if you're still making progress in a relationsihp that doesn't exist yet.

 

4: I don't know about that either, if you can feel this way now, chanes are unless you know her more, you can feel it again. Space...other people, i think that's your answer.

 

'luck

Happy Heb

[amdabar]

You have two choices, friendship or couple. Both types of relationship require specific roles, rules and emotional committment. And they often oppose each other. If you decide the friendship is more important, you must forget about any other feelings you have for each other. If you want to explore a relationship, you can't be the same kind of friends to each other as you may do or say something that as friends seems okay but will hurt the other if you are a couple.