symphony1125 Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 I am a newlywed. And it seems like after we got married my wife begged me to get her pregnant, and now that she is, she is like a totally different women. Frankly, she just doesnt seem to give a crap about my needs anymore. I do basically everything that a husband should....I've made some mistakes...some BIG mistakes, but then again who doesnt? We now seem to argue constantly, our love life has gone to crap, and she won't talk to me about anything! I'm getting really stressed out here, and would like to save my marriage...Anyone got any thoughts?? Link to comment
charmed Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 COMMUNICATION !!!!!!! You need to talk to her and tell her exactly this ! You can say it in a nice way, but don't beat around the bush. Have some good examples of what you consider taking care of your needs for her so that you show that you have thought about this properly. Things can get hard when a baby arrives, and it is easy for both partners to send all attention to baby, and not to each other ! Talking - nothing is better than talking here for you ! Hope this helps you some, Link to comment
symphony1125 Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 See the thing is, is that I have told her how she is making me feel, and all that good stuff, and no matter how many times we have that conversation, nothing seems to change. Link to comment
charmed Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Well then you need to stand up and take a corner on this. There is no point in sitting and taking it - because you deserve to be happy. Her attitude towards the relationship is extreemly casual, and you need to highlight this to her. You are going to have to do the work here - and your child is the reason you should be doing it. Your wife should surely accept that it is not healthy for you both to bring this negative ingredient into the childs life. Link to comment
avman Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Whoa, hang on there. I think you are correct in saying since your wife has become pregnant she seems like a different person. She is a different person. All those hormones, aches, pains, and such running through her body can REALLY change things. After having been through this 3 times I can safely tell you that it does get better once the pregnancy is over. But for now, you are going to have to take a backseat and take care of her for awhile. I know it doesn't seem fair, but thats just the way it goes. Is she in the first trimester? If so, then yes the love life will be dead for awhile. Then it comes back with a vengenance in the second trimester. Then in the third trimester it goes away until 6 weeks after the baby is born. She may say horrible things to you. Smile and tell her that you love her - she doesn't really mean those things and can't help herself. She will cry for no reason at all (like the leaves are falling on the sidewalk all wrong). Just hold her and tell her its going to be ok and you'll take care of all those leaves. And hang in there my rookie soon to be father. It does get better. I will have a beer for you and be thankful it isn't me going through it this time. Link to comment
symphony1125 Posted October 6, 2003 Author Share Posted October 6, 2003 Yes, I've read all about the different changes that she'll experience, it's just that living them is different and quite frankly it sucks. But, as for the love life, it was great, until the very moment that she found out that she was pregnant. Is that supposed to seriously happen? No sarcasm involved, b/c youre right when you say rookie father to be. She is three months along so far, and I've seen her cry for apparently no reason whatsoever, she told me that she didn't even know why she cries like that. But on the other hand, she had a problem communicating with me even before we got married. My mother-in-law says that it stems from her ex-husband, whom she just could not trust at all. But my God! It's been a long time since she was with her ex.....what gives. I sometimes feel as though she compares me to him, sees me as him, and thereforeeee acts the way as though she would if they were still married. But thank you for having a beer for me (God knows that she would flip out if she saw me drink...which brings up another problem, but I won't state the nature of that,...unless of course you ask ). Get back soon. Link to comment
avman Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Yes the love life can disappear immediately once the pregnancy starts. She just wont feel like it. Then after 3 or 4 months when she isn't so sick and things have stabilized all those hormones will really work in your favor. It will be great - ending with a sudden crash at about 7 months when you won't be allowed to touch her at all. *sigh* Don't overanalyze right now. She's not herself. Wait until the baby is born and things calm down. If there are still problems then you can start working on things. But to be honest you'll both be so tired the only thing on your mind will be sleep! Good look and congrats! It really is worth it. Link to comment
symphony1125 Posted October 6, 2003 Author Share Posted October 6, 2003 Thank you Avman for the wonderful advice. But just for an update our argument has worsened even tonight. I tried explaining to her (again) just what is happening and how I feel, and she replies to me with silenece. I am really getting rather discouraged. Link to comment
avman Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Well, like I mentioned how you feel is going to have to take the backseat right now. You aren't going to be able to resolve these problems during the pregnancy so don't even try. I know that sucks and its not what you wanted to hear but I just don't think she's going to be receptive to that during this time. Go to her, tell her that you love her and that you are excited about the baby. Tell her the two of you can deal with these problems once the baby is born but for right now you'd like to declare a truce. Then be a loving, supportive husband. You WILL notice a change in her (but there are still going to be outbursts, crying, etc). Focus on what you have in common right now - you are both having this baby. Get into it. Go pick out baby stuff with your wife. Go to the doctors appointments and especially the ultrasound (its very cool). Come up with some suggestions for the nursery (your wife still gets to make all the decisions but she will be happy you are involved). When I was in your position I put together the most fabulous nursery you ever saw. Wallpaper (3 types), new trim, new window treatments, the works. When I was pissed I'd go in there and start up with power tools. She was happy because I was 'helping' and I was able to work out my frustrations by smashing nails into the walls. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now