What is your definition of...

[sana555]

...honesty vs. lying...

 

do you think that lying is not telling the truth, fabricating facts...do you think that witholding the truth from someone because you think that it might hurt or negatively impact the relationship is also lying?

 

the example would be: my bf is going to a party that i can't go to, but he has to and he knows that his ex is going to be there...he doesn't tell me that his ex will be there...do you think it's lying?

 

appreciate all the opinions.

[beagle]

It's just playing with semantics here really.

 

Technically he hasn't lied unless you asked him if his ex-girlfriend would be there and he said no. That doesn't disguise the fact that he may have been better off telling you upfront of course. That was his choice whether it was to protect you or himself, who knows - he wasn't completely honest but stopped short of lying to you.

 

Frankly, it's irrelevant - it's how you feel about it that matters. If that kind of thing bothers you then tell him and establish the 'ground rules' that you would rather know than not. But first be sure that's what you want!! Some relationships really can be TOO honest and open and you could be hurt in the way that he wanted to protect you from. Basically do you trust him to make those choices himself?

[just_smile]

hey,

in some ways yes i do think that lying is not telling the truth, but for instance in your example; if the bf didnt tell the gf that his ex would be there, i dont think that that is lying b/c it is not important in my eyes, if the bf is trustworthy and honest then the gf shouldnt have to worry about the ex gf being there in the first place (if that makes any sense to you - sorry if its a little confusing)

is that example on a personal note? or just in general?

 

hope this helps

~LJ

[raffy56]

I personally don't think it's lying. There are a lot of reasons that he may choose not to tell you. Perhaps he thought you would'nt care, or perhaps, he thought you'd feel better if you did'nt know, or maybe he knows you might get angry if he told you, plus the fact that he may have forgotten to tell you.

 

I take lying as something that is false or misleading. If his not telling the truht is misleading then it is lying, but generally i don't see silence as lying.

 

Maybe you should tell him that it bothers you and ask him yourself. It might help you put more trust in your relationship.

 

Good luck!

[sana555]

well he told me that she will be there, obviously i got upset and he said he is sorry he ever told me that because it wouldn't change anything. well i said that not telling me something like that would constitute lying, he said it's not his definition of lying. so now we're trying to come up with common definition that will help us in the future... and other people's viewpoints will help me to be more open minded.

 

one can't ask everything, it's impossible and paranoid, but in the trustful relationship, don't you count on the other person to tell you all the info which can even be upsetting? however, now that i know this info i don't know what to do with it, it's too upsetting, however, i can't admit that i can't handle it and rather not know it...something to work on...

 

thank you to all of you...