this sadness feels so endless...

[saku]

i've posted a few times alreadyso i'm sorry if this seems old to some of you. at 21, i feel like my life is completely over. i've never been in a real relationship and i don't do most of the things people my age do. i'm losing faith in God, i mean, i believe in him, i just don't believe he cares about me. evertime i see other guys in public i envy them because they're always with a pretty girl. i feel like somekind of walking freak or monster when i see other people better than me. and to top it off, i like this girl. i've been talking to her since april...but she has a boyfriend. i just want to get to know her at least...that's all. since i'm not like most guys i write poems to her and usually i have to write out what i want to say because i have such a hard time when i try to talk. i've thought about if things got worse, i'd leave where i'm at and go live out in the middle of nowhere. i mean i wouldn't be happy, but at least i wouldn't have to be around others who are. but i don't want to get to that point. i'm trying really hard to make things better but it feels like it's all in vain. and for someone who thinks about dying and regretting life, that it only makes things worse when nothing ever goes right. i'm not asking for a perfect life, i just want my heart to be mended finally. it's been nroken so many times and pain from the past still hurts. i know being in a relationship doesn't make a person totally happy, but i know it will make me feel like at least there is somethng out there to live for. i'm sorry if this all sounded stupid, but it's all true. thanks to anyone who took the time to read it. bye for now

[buffalosoldier]

None of what you have said is stupid at all,it brought back painful memories for myself in fact.

Firstly im going to apologise if i repeat to you things that you have already heard a thousand and one times,as i know it can be annoying.

Your life is far from over at 21,thats not even a quarter of your life gone yet,and a lot of people would kill to be 21 again,the amount of opportunities that are open to you,not to mention your youth.-a very precious thing,and you are old for a lot longer than you are young so try to make the best of things,i know its not easy.but you need to say

to the world and do your best to make yourself happy.-nobody else can do that for you my friend,only you.i know you might think that being in a relationship will end all your troubles and make you completely happy,i thought that to,but sometimes it only does the opposite,and as human beings we have this strange thing that happens to the best of us- we want something,we desire it,we hunger for it so bad and when we have it,WHAM we suddenly want something else just as bad as the last thing.

im not saying having a gf wouldnt make you fulfilled,but if you're not happy without having a gf then this will be your pattern.you'll be happy for a while but then you'll want something else to make you even happier.

i get greedy all the time with my happiness!!

as for the girl you said you liked,i would try and put that to one side for now,she has a boyfriend for starters and im afraid that unless she really likes you more than a friend,you should back off a bit and try and meet other girls.there are plenty of single girls out there who would love to meet a man as commited to a relationship as you seem you would be.-you just need to give them a chance,and you need to give yourself the chance to find them!

Please just remember,if things are as bad as they can be then they cant get any worse,thats the TRUTH it really is,and your time will come to be happy,every1 gets a shot at life,and a shot to be happy so dont miss yours.-its just round the corner i promise,life will test you and test your patience until your almost at breaking point and then things will look up.(one of lifes nasty little habits)

and you have got something to live for,you've got YOU.so concentrate on being the best YOU there can possibly be,coz theres only one of YOU and that makes YOU very special indeed.

i wish you luck if you ever wanna chat PM me

Take care darlin xxx

[dizzydance]

Firstly, my friend, other guys are not "better than you". I persued the same type of girl for several years and suddenly came to realize that that was not what I was looking for. I changed my perspective and my approach and won the girl of my dreams (life is NOT 100% blissful, but its a lot better with her by my side). She is the first girl I've ever dated, and I met her when I was 24, you've got time on your side, take it.

 

If you have been talking with a girl since April and don't feel as if you're getting to know her, you don't like her, you are infatuated (I was here once too).

 

I used to write out everything I wanted to say and wrote songs and poems to girls as well. My advise is to not worry about girls who are "pretty" (just on the basis that they are "pretty"), chances are, you will grow to love someone who loves you, If everyone was attracted to the same thing, Brad Pitt and Pamela Anderson would be the only people getting any! She will become MUCH more pretty than her physical body and light years prettier than any run-of-the-mill hottie on the street, I guarantee it.

 

Don't lose your faith in God, when I hit bottom, His love was all I was sure of and He pulled me through. Your time will come, and you will appreciate what you have much more because of your struggles. Let us know how you are doing, PM me if you'd like. Good luck, brother.